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 Miserable At Best

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Mikey

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Posts : 1539
Join date : 2011-08-09

PostSubject: Miserable At Best   Sat Nov 17, 2012 5:02 pm

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting, go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so


"Kelton please dont." Cade growled softly into the phone. He honestly he didnt care for anymore crying, even from Kelton. What right did he have to cry anyways? This was all his fault. Cade couldnt help the twinge of ache in his chest though at hearing the pitiful sniffling. He could tell the boy was trying his hardest not to bawl, he was too. He had been for a long time now. He had been having a hard time, a hard time arguing about custody of Leon and trying to restrain from knocking some since into his lover.
Exlover...
But that wasnt the hardest part, the hardest part was remembering all the good times he and Kelton had shared and the remembering that it was all over now. Everything they had together was gone now, like it didnt mean anything in the first place. Maybe if it was so easy for Kelton to throw it away it was nothing...
Cade felt warmth streaking his cheeks. He could practically hear Kelton's laugh ringing in his ears, see the wide grin of a boy that had meant the entire world to him.
Did mean the world to him.
With a devastated growl he shoved the memories aside. Even the memory of there wedding, there first date, there first time, helping Kelton build a tree house, pushing him on the tire swing.
The memory of the night Kelton confessed of his infidelity to him. He didnt want to think that the very night before that he had made love to the smaller man in that bed, not knowing that the boy was hiding something so ghastly. He had not been able to spend another night in that room they had shared. He had moved out and found his own little apartment, far away from where he knew Kelton was spending his nights.
At home with Xavier.
Still though, his mind would not rest, and the echoing sounds of Keltons laugh and there love continued to haunt him through the night, it would no matter where he was.
The phone line was quiet. Had it not been for the slow trembling breath on the other side he would wonder if Kelton had not hung up.
Part of Cade wanted to forget he ever loved Kelton and start over, but he knew it wouldnt be the same. His life was meaningless before Kelton had come along. It was daunting but he knew that even if he had tried to find someone else that compared to Kelton, no one would ever shine quite as bright.
He turned his head to the night sky, he was outside in his small yard, laying in the grass and gazing to the stars. The tears on his face hot in the cold night.
As he stared up into the stars he realized that Kelton was truly no longer his and he should just try to let go....
But he wanted Kelton home....
So maybe he could just pretend, if for this one last time.




Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best


"You alone?" Cade asked softly, they both knew the answer but he could not care any less at that moment.
"Yeah..." Came the stifled reply.
Cade knew very well that Xavier was there, probably watching Kelton. Maybe giving him a tattoo. He knew Kelton was probably just DYING to get off the phone so he could go back to the other man.
It made him sick to his stomach.
Where did that guy get the nerve in the first place? Steal his lover.
How had he let it happen...What had he done wrong?
Cade shook his head once more. He had been right good to Kelton the entirey of there relationship. Keltons the one who had ruined everything they had. Just threw it all away like it had been nothing.
He could live without Kelton.
He could...
He just had to keep telling himself that.


You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay
'Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
But I need it
So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes



Cade turned over on his side, clenching his eyes shut as the pain in his heart intensified at hearing Xaviers voice throuhg the reciever, talking to Kelton.
Kelton had been everything Cade had dreamed of in a lover. Small and sweet, he was caring and he was willing to accept his family after a while, even his father. Kelton had give him a baby and Kelton had just been there with him for so long. He couldnt believe that it was all over now.
Cade had tried to give Kelton everything he could, his heart, his home, his children, his love, his body, everything he had...
But Kelton had not been happy with it, he supposed, since Kelton had opted for another man...
He wondered if Xavier have him everything Cade had.
And he did. Xavier had taken to Kelton like no other, and he had offered his heart up to the boy in hopes Kelton would not break it.
He hadnt for the most part, instead he dropped Cade's heart and let it shatter into millions of tiny shards embedding themselves into Cade's stomach.
The harder part was that without Kelton, not only did he not have a lover but he felt as through he didnt have a home. His home was in Kelton's arms, wherever Kelton was Cade could call home, always.
Not anymore though and it burned him to his core to feel so out of place no matter where he was. It was a pain even now to look Leon in his face, and see Kelton. Leon looked so much like his mother that it could kill Cade every time he laid eyes on the boy, it only made him think of his exlover more and more...
Cade used to think that the harder parts of living was losing people, and now that everyone he had lost was more or less lost to him now that he was so broken up without Kelton, he understood that his hardest think to do was now just waking up, and taking breaths to live. He honestly no longer felt the need to continue going on.
Cade didnt feel like a bad lover though, he knew he had been very good to Kelton. It was not his fault that Kelton had done all of this. He had been so GOOD to Kelton.
So good it almost killed him.
He just hated this so much. He wanted to go back to the days when Kelton was still with him.
He heard the line beeping in his ear and he knew Kelton had hung up. Probably to do something with Xavier who he had heard speaking in the back ground.
He hated it.
Hated him.
"Good night...." Cade whispered into the phone. He wanted to hate himself for still loving the man so much...
It was slowly killing him, eating his heart right out of his chest.
A burst of wind blew by him, stinging his face and drying the salty tears that rested there.



Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh
And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Been three whole days since I've had sleep
'Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly



Cade slowly rose from the ground, that had been the first time in almost a week that he had spoken to Kelton and he could hardly find any words to say. He was wary, he hadnt slept in almost four days, he was running on fumes and he didnt know how long his body would allow him to continue on without the least bit of rest. He could tell it was wearing him down rapidly, yet there was nothing he could do about it. He couldnt just shut off the pain no matter how he tried.
So Cade collapsed on the small bed in his room, laying in the darkness and letting his eyes slip shut.
For a moment, he thought he felt lips on his cheek.
In his conscious mind he knew he should forget about and just erase Kelton and his number...But he knew he wouldnt.
He couldnt.
He just wasnt that strong.
So instead, his body shut down o force sleep, but when he woke up, he knew he would blindly call Kelton again, just to hear that lovely voice, even if its just the answering machine.

So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room, he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes
Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you
But without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best

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