Xavier let out a growl as he cleared his bedside table, sending everything crashing to the floor, even his most cherished pictures. Some of the frames shattered and he immediately regretted it, falling to his knees to make sure the photographs were unharmed, especially the one of his mother.
His heart still ached, stomach on fire with jealousy as he sat the frames back up on the table.
Elvis was pregnant. A few years ago, that sentence would have made him ecstatic. Nervous, but still excited. However, today, this made him so unbearably angry. He could kill today. The reason for this was because unlike it would have been a few years ago, today, the baby was not his.
The baby belonged to Azazel Blair and Xavier wanted the man dead. This was never how it was supposed to turn out… He and Elvis had been supposed to have children… HIM, not Azazel.
Azazel with his fucking charm and his looks and his goddamned not diseased blood.
Xavier hated him more than he’d ever hated anyone. The mere sound of the man’s name had him on edge, ready to hurt something.
He constantly told himself he had no feelings for Elvis anymore but he was realizing that it had been a lie all along. He loved Prentiss, of course, but you didn’t get this pissed off at someone getting pregnant to another man unless you were in love with them.
It just killed him inside. Elvis was going to get adorably round. Elvis was going to be cute and hormonal. Elvis was going to give birth to an adorable red headed baby just like him.
And Xavier wasn’t going to be the father.
He could remember like it was yesterday when the two of them had been cuddled up in bed together, discussing the possibility of children someday. Xavier had thrown the idea out the window being that he wasn’t sure he could stand the chance of giving a child his disease.
That was what hurt worst of all.
Azazel and Elvis probably weren’t even planning on a baby. They could just have one so carelessly and they would have a safe pregnancy and birth without any worries. Xavier would never have that. If he ever wanted a child he would have to plan it out for weeks, even months ahead. He’d have to go through several expensive and tedious processes and not to mention the risk of giving his child and his lover a deadly disease.
He could never have that surprising realization that his lover was pregnant… and definitely not with Elvis.
And he hated it.
He felt himself seething once more. Never had he hated himself for his disease more than at this moment. He picked up the picture he had of him and his first girlfriend, the one who had given him the disease in the first place. He had never hated her, even for cheating and infecting him. But now, his heart filled with anger as he looked down at their smiling faces. A second later and he flung the frame into the wall where it shattered into even smaller pieces.
It was then that he felt the wetness on his cheeks and realized he was crying. He hated everything right now, but he especially hated living with this goddamn disease. He rarely let it get to him but it was times like these that he couldn’t help it. It just wasn’t fair. He hadn’t whored around, hadn’t used drugs, he had done nothing wrong and yet here he was, cursed for the rest of his life.
He sat on the edge of his bed and allowed himself to cry harder into his own hands. It was a few minutes later that he heard a knock on the door. He wiped his eyes, hoping it wasn’t Prentiss as he stood up. Elvis had told everyone at the park the news this morning, warning them all that he’d need a few weeks off when he got too big to play Peter for the time being. Ever since Xavier heard, he’d told Prentiss he felt a bit sick and that wasn’t a lie. But truly, he just needed an excuse to have some alone time. He’d told Prentiss he felt very sick and planned on just going straight to bed when he got home, so Prentiss could have a night to himself. Prentiss had seemed worried but had agreed. Part of Xavier wished he hadn’t sent Prentiss away, he didn’t want to be alone…
He made his way to the door and opened it to see Elvis, standing there looking just as beautiful as he always did to Xavier. Xavier tried to act calm but his eyes automatically drifted to the boy’s stomach where a just barely noticeable bump was forming.
“Hey.” Xavier spoke softly.
“Hey… are you alright? You don’t look so hot.” Elvis frowned.
“Yeah, well I don’t feel so hot. Did you want something?” Xavier sighed and this was a sure sign something was wrong, if the bloodshot eyes weren’t enough. He never snapped at Elvis like he did now.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
“Just tell me why you’re here.” Xavier shook his head.
“Can I come in?”
“If you have to.” Xavier glanced away, though he let Elvis come in, moving back to his bedroom. Elvis followed him, frowning as he looked around the room.
“Something piss you off?” He questioned as he looked at the mess.
“Mhm.” Xavier said simply. “Now why did you come again?”
“I wanted to ask if you wanted to be Godfather.” Elvis placed a hand on his stomach with a soft smile.
“I…” Xavier blinked. “I don’t know if I can.”
“What do you mean?” Elvis’s face fell.
“I just… I don’t think I can.”
“Why?”
“Because… because that’s supposed to be my baby, damnit.” Xavier finally spoke, turning away.
“Xavier…”
“It is and you know it.” Xavier growled. “We wanted to have kids… we were supposed to be together.”
“You… you’re with him and..” Elvis couldn’t seem to form words, his eyes wide at hearing Xavier who now turned to face him, placing his large hands on his stomach.
“It’s supposed to be mine… you were always supposed to carry my children… I… we were going to be parents together.” Xavier’s voice quieted, resting their foreheads together. “And I just hate that I can never have kids with you… I can never have kids with anyone without getting them sick and I can’t take it much longer…”
