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 Healing Hands.

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Chandler Riggs


Posts : 1150
Join date : 2014-07-04

PostSubject: Healing Hands.   Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:19 am

Chandler swallowed hard as he slipped out of Jordan's bedroom, his hands trembling as he sat himself on the roof. He had to go, passed it off to Jordan as an early experiment with Zach but he's sleeping with Roman and I can feel my fucking eyes stinging. I don't want to touch them though, to feel the scars on my face. Its a big part of the reason I had to get out of there. Jordan, he doesn't look at me the same anymore. Ever since the accident he just...he can't really look me in the eyes anymore, and sometimes ill catch him watching me with a trembling bottom lip, his eyes hollow with grief and I can't stand it. I want him to look at me like he did before, like I was his happiness. For the first time I felt like I had a purpose, to make him smile. And now....he doesn't even like looking at me, it hurts him.
And that f*cking hurts me. He made a damn mistake, I forgive him and its fine but for him its not.
I can't stand myself. I can't stand this.
Chandler presses his face into his hands and lets out a frustrated howl.
"F*ck this bullshit." He pushes himself up, crawling from the edge back over to Jordan's window. The coyote was waiting for him, alerted by his foul smell and previous outburst. Chandler pushed his way into the room, one of his hands closing around the front of Jordan's shirt. He slammed his lover back into the wall, his teeth clanking together with a snarl. "This has to f*cking stop." Chandler breathed through clenched teeth.
"Stop what! Chandler what the hell?" Jordan had reached up, hands trying to just ease Chandler's hold on him. He made no attempt to defend himself, afraid of hurting his lover again.
"That! That damn shit you do where you don't fight be back! And for f*cks sake Jordan you look at me like im a f*cking crime scene!" The man was crying tears of anger and hurt, slamming Jordan once more into the wall. "I swear when I heard your stupid ass speak for the first time those damn butterflies flew right from your lips to fill my stomach." His voice broke, threatening to fail him, but he had to make Jordan understand. "And each and every day I have known you, they lived and loved and grew and grew and grew. They’re inside of me and I don’t think there will ever be a day that those butterflies will die. They’re fed by your smile and the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. You've created something beautiful inside me that I never want to leave." The tears spilled down his cheeks, water on dark rock. "But now you just look at me and you look like you've seen a ghost! You can't make me feel something like that and then take it away from me!" Chandler's hold on Jordan loosened, his body falling into the coyote as a harsh sob rocked his foundation. "I never asked for this shit but dammit! You gave it to me and you can't take it! Please..."
Jordan swallowed thickly, the tears that had been building up since the incident pouring out of him. All he could do was clutch Chandler to his chest, his tears falling into the boys hair.
"I just hurt you so bad..." Jordan hiccuped, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears came harder. He could feel Chandler's arms winding around him, returning the desperate hold. "And its okay baby. I made it and we learned from it and I f*cking love you and baby its okay, its okay, f*ck I promise its okay."
They sat there until morning, clutching each other on the bedroom floor. But by the time the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window, Chandler found himself staring into a dark pair of eyes, like the earth after rain has fallen. The mind reader swallowed hard, cursing himself as he felt his bottom lip quivering. Jordan was looking at him, dead in his face and oh god he was smiling and happy and then oh f*ck he is laughing and its all Chander can do not to cry.
Jordan didn't need to say "I love you."
Chandler understood it all, with that first tiny smile and his increasingly warm hands.
They were healing.
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