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Roman Roden


Posts : 714
Join date : 2014-02-11

PostSubject: Irreplaceable    Sun Dec 14, 2014 9:10 pm

The day before Chandler went away, Jordan had felt something was off.  He had felt this strange ache, a feeling akin to panic settling over him but nothing had been wrong, and Chandler had laughed and said he worried too much.  But Jordan's bones cracked that night while he was getting into bed, and no matter how close they were, he could never get close enough to feel safe.
He understood why the next morning.  He wished he'd never woke up. But he did, and it happened. It had been so quick, they were bombarded by a rival pack.  The fight only lasted for minutes, but it felt like forever, and when it was over, everything was eerily silent.  For a moment Jordan was confused, unsure as to why the silence was so wrong, why it was consuming him...
And then he realized there was an absence of a heartbeat. 
Its been a while, and Jordan has tried to move on. He has never stopped seeing Chandler when closing his eyes but he has even kissed other boys and convinced himself that he loved them.  But their noses always line up like Chandler, and their eyes are always hazel.  He has yet to find the same forest greeen and hunny brown that speckled Chandler's gaze, but he comes close. He even found one whose voice was a literal dupilcation of Chandler, sometimes Jordan couldn't tell them apart on voice mail. But maybe they weren't all that alike.  Maybe it has just been so long that Jordan is losing his memories of Chandler, his voice and his smile.
Sometimes he cries.
Jordan never realized what he was doing until he had this new boy in his room, and they were tangled in his bed, and the boy was humming some kind of song, something Chandler would have liked, and it dawned on him that he didn't love this boy.  He loved Chandler, and he was only trying to get that back. The boy seemed to finally realize this too, because one day he stopped calling. 
It was okay though, he was only keeping himself busy with these boys. He could never bring himself to hurt when they leave, because he had already used up all his tears on Chandler, and every ache in his bones was from missing him. Why would he bother mourning these other boys when all Chandler had to do was speak his name and Jordan's insides ignited, but he hadn't even come away with redden cheeks when the others swore to never let him go.
Jordan still tries to turn everyone into him. Jordan misses him.
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