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 The last time we say goodbye

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Piper Pinkman

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PostSubject: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:48 pm

Most of the day was a blur, full of trivial things that Parker wouldn't commit to memory.  He was rolled out of bed by his mother, who came through his bedroom bitching about how late he slept. Breakfast was two bites of Ouija's toast on his way out to the fight club, and for hours after that he was blissfully entertained, amused every time someone's jaw cracked under his fist. The pay for that day was great, enough that he could finally purchase the sketch kit he had been watching for months now.  Cameron, his older brother had a special talent with art, something that Parker always admired.  His birthday was only two days away now, and finally Park was assured in knowing he wasn't a shitty brother, he had manged the gift, the one Cameron had been pining over ever since glimpsing it in the store window.
So far, it had been a good day.
He took the time to see his parents on his way inside, stopping to show them his gift for Cameron and making his mother swear not to tell.  Ouija was having Rigby time, by the smell of it.  Park even stopped by the mind readers door to listen a moment and confirm before heading on to his room.  He could hear music playing, muffled through all the walls, but still identifiable as Cameron's.  His brother often played music, when he was in a good mood, sketching, or sometimes when he was hurting over Kendrick and depressed that mom had left his dad. Whatever the case, Park was sure he could have fun with Cameron.  So what if Ouija was with Rigby?
He had Cam.
Parker stopped by his room to toss the sketch kit onto his bed, taking a moment to grin at it, his eyes flaring with pride.
Cameron was going to fucking love it.
And thats how Parker found himself nearing his brothers door, his insides twisting tighter and tighter with every step he took.  It was quiet, even with the music playing, a strange and eerie silence that Parker couldn't place.  It was wrong though, he knew it was wrong.
"Cameron?"  He pushed the door open, his heart immediately plummeting.
There was his big brother, his most trusted confidant, the person he looked up to most;
Hanging there.
Simply hanging from the ceiling fan in the middle of his room, his feet dangling just above the ground, still swaying softly.
And Parker stood there, staring.  "C-Cameron?"  It was a fearful whimper, his throat closing up with the knowledge that was rushing to greet him.
Cameron was hanging there.
He was dead.
It was quiet because his heart was no longer beating.
Parker doesn't remember screaming, but he must have.  Finn was tripping over himself to climb the stairs, profanities ringing through the home as he caught sight of Parker.  There was a blissful moment of confusion, where he couldn't see the suspended shadow behind his youngest son, and he thought maybe Parker was just having one of his legendary tantrums.  But all too soon he reached the doorway, the sight of his baby.
"Cameron!"  Finn shoved Parker out of the way, his hands reaching for Cameron, wrapping around his waist and attempt to hold him up, so he could breath, oh god, please breath.  Nothing was happening though, Cameron wasn't moving and he was still tied...
Finn reluctantly let go, desperate to get the boy down.  He spotted the stool, the one his son had used to kick off of. There was no thinking as he jerked it up, his mind consumed with my baby my baby my baby my baby.  Finn climbed up, unable to breath or see straight, wheezing at the blurred sight of Cameron's face.
"Cam!"  He was so blue, blue, blue.  His lips being the worst, open as if in a final gasp for air.
Finn had to get him down, he had to save his baby.  But he couldnt untie it, his fingernails already bent back and broken, splintered after his clawing. And what that didn't work? He tried to bite it, anything, oh god, anything he could do.
And finally, Finn was screaming himself, Cameron clutched into his chest in his attempt to keep the weight off the boys throat, to keep him from suffocating.
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Ouija Riggs

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:33 pm

Before he met Kendrick, Cameron had been lonely. But he had only been a kid then, really. He'd known that the future would be brighter, that he'd eventually find someone. The loneliness after he lost Kendrick was completely different. Now that he knew what it felt like to be loved, to have someone, living without it was basically living in hell.
He'd basically been dead for months now already, plastering on a smile at the constant pack gatherings where he was surrounded by happy couples even as he felt like he was drowning in loneliness.
Even at home when the rest of the pack wasn't there.
Parker had Ouija.
Finn had Jesse.
He had nothing but himself and the silence. It had all been too much to handle lately. And the thought of spending another birthday alone, turning another year older, watching his life waste away... it had been enough to push him to do this sooner rather than later.

At the sound of Finn's screams, Jesse was bounding up the stairs in seconds, noticing that there were not three heartbeats like there should be. The sight that met him when he burst in the door brought him to his knees, clutching Finn to his chest tightly. He did not know how to react. He could not imagine losing Parker and even though Cameron was not his, he had grown to care for the boy even if the feelings had not been reciprocated.
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Piper Pinkman

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:53 pm

Finn wouldn't be held. His baby, his very first baby, was still dangling there, unmoving and blue, but still slightly warm. "Help me mother fucking get him down, damnit! Don't just fucking stand here! " Finn was further distressed to lose hold of Cameron, his hands reaching for the boy again, his precious baby boy. "Jesse he's going to fucking suffocate if you don't damn get him down! " His words were strangled with grief, eyes never leaving Cameron's face. "Please, please, oh god, Jesse please, my baby! "
Parker was standing off to the side, watching his brother dangle and sway every time Finn would touch him. He was numb with shock, his mind going back to his sketch kit, his present. Cameron had been tying a noose, while he had been out looking for a gift.
It was surreal, choking all the breath out of him the more he thought about it.
"Mom. Cameron's dea-" Parker never finished. Finn wouldn't allow it. He had struck his son, bloodied his lip for the offense. Dead? Cameron wasn't dead, and he wouldn't let Parker talk about him like he was gone.
"He's going to fucking be fine! I just need him cut the hell down! I need my baby!"
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Ouija Riggs

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:08 pm

"Baby I think it might be too late." Jesse spoke gently, even as he stood and let his claws slip out, using one to slice through the rope around Cameron's neck. He made sure to lower the boy down gently, lying him on the bed and listening, even though he knew there was no heartbeat. "There's no heartbeat." He grimaced at his lover. "Do you want me to get Law?" He doubted there was anything the man could do.
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:38 pm

"Don't fucking talk like that!" Finn swung on Jesse, too. He was unreasonable, his grief overwhelming. "Get out! Get the fuck out, go get Law!" Finn pulled Cameron into his lap, his hands pressing against the boys chilling cheeks, caressing and stroking them as he frantically tried to get a response. There was nothing though, the boys head merely rolling around every time he was jarred. "Cameron! Wake up! Wake the fuck up, right damn now! Im not even close to fucking kidding with you!" A harsh sob escaped him as he waited, eyes burning against the imagine of his precious baby boy, prone and limp. "Please, Cameron! God, open your eyes!" He gathered the boy up in his arms, rocking him jerkily while still trying to find some source of life, some indication that this was not happening to him.
Holding Cameron like this reminded him of when the boy had been small, probably around seven. He had suffered a particularly bad nightmare, but didn't want to wake either of his parents up. So Cameron had sat alone in his room, crying and trying to take care of himself without help until finally his whimpers awoke Finn. He'd gone to the boys room, found him up and terrified his nose and cheeks pink from crying. Cameron had curled into his lap immediately, falling back asleep to soft rocking.
But this was not sleep. This was real. This was forever.
Finn was screaming.
Parker had already bolted from the room, tripping over himself and stumbling into walls to keep from falling completely. He had to go though, he had to get away from that sight, and the sounds, and the knowledge that his brother was gone.
He was an only child now.
The thoughts urged him to run faster.
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Ouija Riggs

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Fri Apr 24, 2015 11:04 pm

Jesse was in Law's bedroom within seconds, panting as he looked to the man frantically.
"I need you to come with me." Really, he didn't think anything could be done. But for Finn, he had to let the man try.
Ouija was walking out of his bedroom in only his boxers when he saw Parker running by.
"Hey, shorty, where do you think you're going?" He didn't realize something was wrong until he had tugged the boy into his arms. And then he saw the look on his face, smelled his despair. "What happened?"
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Piper Pinkman

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:00 am

Law didn't question it. Whatever it was, it had to be urgent with the way his alpha had burst into the room, panting and reeking of distress. The dark skinned wolf followed Jesse back to Cameron's room, knowing what he would find halfway down the hall. The scent of death was already so strong, mixed with the familiar odor of Cameron. No blood though, Law noted as he approached the room. Finn could be heard wailing, the stomach churning sound of a man who had lost his everything, and upon entering the room, Law could see why. A length of rope was still dangling from the center of the room, the stool still standing where Finn had stood it in his desperate attempt to get Cameron down. They were on the bed. Finn had tears steadily streaking his cheeks, his hands trembling as his fingertips carefully brushed over the bluish black bruise, a perfect necklace the rope had gifted him with.
A morbid birthday present to himself.
"I don't think im needed, oui." There was nothing he could do but watch. Finn seemed to have come to terms with the fact that Cameron was gone. His lips were quivering, the only sound leaving him being unfinished cries and pleas, every one of which died off as soon as his eyes met Cameron's face.
Parker could only stare, stricken at his best friend. He wanted to open his mouth, wanted to tell Ouija what he had lost, but nothing would come out. A tight lump had formed in his throat, blocking off anything he might have said. For a moment he was certain he would be sick, his stomach churning violently when he closed his eyes. All he could see was Cameron, his too-purple face and his dangling feet. It made him dizzy, so disoriented he had to lean against Ouija to keep himself upright. In the midst of it all, Parker found himself recalling what Ouija had said to him. "Hey shorty," He hated his height. He'd always admired Cameron for being so tall.
The thought was enough to fracture something inside of him. Finally, Parker felt the stinging in his eyes, the wetness trailing down his face. He was crying. He hated it, he didn't want to cry, but it was unstoppable now. Parker was gasping for air, his fingers curling in the front of Ouija's shirt as a sob tore through him. "Cameron killed himself."
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Ouija Riggs

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:22 am

"I didn't think so either but, he wanted you." Jesse swallowed the lump forming in his throat, finding his own eyes blurring with tears at the sight. It was a member of his family... gone. "I'm sorry for bothering you." As he spoke, he found himself clutching onto the doctor's arm tightly, not knowing how to react to this. He knew there was nothing he could ever say to make this better for his lover. It was then that he saw something lying on the floor near where the stool had been kicked over. He picked it up quickly, trying not to draw Finn's attention to it. It was several folded pieces of paper, held together with a rubber band. He noticed the one on top was labeled with his name in Cameron's neat handwriting. His suicide notes.

Ouija could only blink in response, unsure if he had heard right.
"Like... on purpose?" He knew it was not helpful or comforting but it was all he could manage as he pressed Parker closer to him, stroking his hair. He couldn't help but feel guilt twisting his stomach already. What if this was somehow his fault? He was always kind of a douche to his friend's older brother... he had thought they were only joking but maybe not...
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:55 am

Law followed Jesse over to the letters, not the least bit worried that Finn would notice them. The man was already too far gone, his head resting on Cameron's still chest as he continued to caress the boys neck. It was as if they weren't even there, as though the only thing Finn could see was his pale faced child. His dead baby boy.
Law glanced over his alphas shoulder at the notes, his stomach twisting unpleasantly as he realized what they were.
"You don't have to deal with them now, oui. No need to make it any worse." As a loyal beta, he was unnerved by his alphas despair and determined to help as much as possible

"Yes on fucking purpose, Ouija! " Parker ground out between desperate gasps for breath. "I-I went to see him and he was just hanging there! Staring at me and just...He's so tall and his feet were dangling and oh fuck!" Parker jerked away from his friend, folding in on himself as he began retching. He couldn't take seeing it, over and over again. His brother. His Cam.
Gone.
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Ouija Riggs

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:07 am

"I know..." Still, Jesse removed the rubber band. There were five notes in all. Jesse, Mom, Park, Ouija, Kendrick. He knew he wasn't ready to read it, not yet. And Finn was definitely not ready. So he pocketed them, watching his mate on the bed. He moved to lay behind the man, cradling him and Cameron to his chest.

"Shh, Park, it's going to be alright." Ouija didn't know how to react, never good at comforting others. He pressed Parker tight into his arms, rocking him gently back and forth and pressing kisses into his hair.
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Piper Pinkman

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 1:36 am

"I have to fucking call Jeremy." Finn heaved out, his face contorting with grief at the thought. He had to call Jeremy. Call him and say what? Hey, our baby is dead. I let it happen. And then what? Finn didn't think he could stomach it. Jeremy would blame him, too. He had broken the family up. He had brought Cameron to this.
"He fucking told me he hated it here!" Finn was rambling through his tears, blubbering brokenly in fragments of his thoughts. "I didn't fucking think it was this damn bad. Cameron was- I thought he-" How had he not realized his son was thinking about this? Why wasn't he there when Cameron needed him?
He was never there for Cameron.
It was always the other way around.
"Im so sorry, Cam! So fucking sorry." He could do nothing but lay his head back down, forehead pressed into Cameron's chest. He was cold now, and getting stiff, but Finn wanted to absorb it all. This would be his last time with Cameron, the first person he had ever loved, the person who had taught him to love.

Parker knew it was unreasonable to be angry at Ouija, he was only trying to help. But he couldn't stand hearing that it would be alright. That was such a load of bullshit. It would never be okay again. He was an only child. His big brother was gone, all because he decided he didnt want to live anymore. How was that alright? "It's fucking not going to be alright, Ouija! Cameron wont ever see his fucking birthday! Or his gift! A-And he was supposed to come watch me fight. He was my jogging buddy. He was my brother!
And he was gone.
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:13 pm

"There was no way you could have known unless he told you, Finn. He acted like normal. It's not your fault." Jesse reassured the boy, stroking Finn's hair and holding him close. He knew Finn would always blame himself though. They would all blame themselves for not helping Cameron when he needed it, while he was still here. He almost didn't want Finn to read the note Cameron had left for him, what if the boy even placed the blame on Finn?

"I-I'm sorry, shit, I didn't mean to..." Ouija trailed off, completely clueless when it came to handling grieving people. "You just... you gotta think, he must have not been happy here if he wanted to do this... so wherever he is now, he's not hurting anymore." It was his attempt at being comforting, but he also believed it to be true. Cameron had always looked so damn miserable. Maybe he was happy now.
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Piper Pinkman

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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Tue Apr 28, 2015 9:48 pm

"Thats fucking bullshit Jesse! Mt fucking baby needed me and I wasn't there! I didn't fucking save him!" Finn was gasping for breath now, his rib feeling as though they were going to break under the pressure of his heaving chest. It was as though a hole had opened up where his heart once was, hollow and empty. It left him suffocating in his grief. "He never acted like normal here! He wasn't fucking happy. I was so mother fucking selfish. I should have....If only I had fucking...." Finn pressed his palms back into Cameron's chest, centering them over his heart and praying for movement, some indication that he still had hope in the world. But nothing happened of course. If anything Cameron was only getting colder, stiffer.

Ouija couldn't have struck Parker any harder if he had tried. Cameron was so unhappy with them that he wanted to die? What about all the times that they had played together as kids? Hide 'n seek, snow ball fights and weeks of him begging his dad for a tree house so they could have a fort. As they got older, Cameron was more and more integrated into his life. Where did he go when he needed to talk? Definitely not to his mother or father. And half the time he needed to talk about Ouija. Cameron had been his best friend. Any time he'd been roughed up at fight club? He went straight to Cameron. Bad dream? Cameron. Fighting with mom? Cameron. Lonely because Ouija is fucking Rigby?
Cameron.
"W-Was it ready that fucking bad?" Parker choked out, his fangs gleaming in his anguish. All those times when he had been happy and safe....Cameron had been biding his time to get out.
"Its not fucking fair! Cameron's a fucking liar!!" He had told Parker that everything was okay, that he was going to be okay.
Nothing was 'okay'. Nothing would ever be that way again.
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:01 pm

"Shh, baby, it's not your fault. You're going to be alright." Jesse was cooing gently, pressing his mate tighter into his arms, desperate to make the boy stop hurting. But he knew nothing could be done. This wasn't something he could fix so easily.

"I-I... that's not what I meant, shit, Park..." Ouija ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of something to say although he seemed to only be making it worse. "I'm sorry... I don't know how to make it better for you so just come here." All he could do was open his arms and tug Parker into them, stroking his hair gently.
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Thu Apr 30, 2015 6:38 pm

Finn hissed at the words, his fists landing heavily against Jesse's chest in retaliation. "Don't you fucking say everything is going to damn be alright you shit fuck! Don't pacify me! My fucking baby is gone!" He felt as though a black hole had opened itself up inside of him, leaving nothing but emptiness in its wake. "How am I supposed to fucking live without my baby?"
There was no life without Cameron.
Finn dropped back down, his arms winding around his sons waist. He pulled the corpse into his chest, gasping and weeping because it was so frigid. His baby should never be this cold.

There was no making it better. He was going to wake up in two days. It will be Cameron's birthday.
Cameron wont be there.
Instead, they'll probably be burying him.
It was a horrible thought, his brother in the dirt.
Worm food.
"I just dont fucking understand why." Parker rasped out, his forehead resting against Ouija's chest. "I loved him so damn much. I would have done anything for his ass."
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:34 pm

Jesse could do nothing but watch, having no clue how to help or how to even begin to console his lover. He couldn't help but wonder if the notes in his pocket would make Finn feel better or worse. But he didn't know if he could chance it. What if Cameron had blamed them all for what he had done?

"Come on, you're not running away this time. You need to be with your family." Ouija hoisted Parker up into his arms bridal style and heading back upstairs towards Cameron's room. "I love you, alright? You're gonna make it through this."
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sun May 03, 2015 1:21 am

"Jesse," Finn choked out, his fingers curling in fabric of Cameron's shirt. "I need your mother fucking phone, damnit!" He had to call Jeremy. He had to tell him that their baby was dead. The thought left Finn breathless, his stomach lurching so violently he thought he would be sick.
Law was standing behind Jesse, watching the pair grieve in silence until he felt that Finn was too far gone to hear him. "I can take the body. If you want me to, oui." Surely looking at his sons corpse wasn't doing Finn any good.

"Don't fucking take me back up there, damnit!" Parker revolted immediately, shoving himself out of Ouija's arms in his panic. He couldn't go back upstairs. Cameron died up there.
"Just-" Parker didn't know what to do. Ouija was only trying to help him, but everything was wrong. "You can take your ass back to your fucking room, alright? Im fucking....I don't...." He wanted to talk to Cameron. He needed to talk to Cameron.
But now that was completely impossible.
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sun May 03, 2015 2:13 am

Jesse moved to grab his phone for Finn as he spoke.
"Do you want Law to take him? Get him ready for uh... a funeral?" He grimaced lightly.

"I just... I'm not good at this but I know you need someone and you should be with your parents." Ouija looked quite devastated, holding onto the boy tightly. "And I can't leave you alone, I don't trust you to not do anything stupid. I just don't want you hurting alone you've got to be with someone."
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PostSubject: Re: The last time we say goodbye   Sat May 16, 2015 10:58 pm

"No!" Finn nearly struck out a Jesse in his rage, the question sending another tremor through his chest. "He can't fucking take my baby away! Fuck him!" The boy was snarling, his eyes burning hatefully through Law as though he was the one who caused this.
The dark skinned wolf simply ignored him though, giving a mournful shake of his head before lighting up a cigarette. The man always had one on hand.
"Now give me that damned phone!" Finn wheezed, snatching the phone from Jesse's hands. He was eager to get it over with, the pressure feeling as though it were going to break his ribs if they weren't already swallowed up by the gaping hole in his chest. He dialed Jeremy's number, his chest heaving as he waiting for the man to answer.

"I want to fucking be with Cameron!" Parker choked out, his fangs digging into his bottom lip as he tried to resist to the urge to scream. All he wanted was his brother, and now that was completely impossible.
It hurt.
It frustrated him to no end.
It fucking hurt.
"Fuck mom! And fuck dad! Its probably their fault anyways!" He was casting blame in a vain attempt to untwist the guilty knots in his stomach.
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