Talk about your first kiss.
My first kiss as really terrible on my part. Me and Cameron had been spending a lot of time together, and I had been wanting to kiss him for a while. I had grown up watching my mom and dad kiss, and they have this rough abrasive way of kissing each other. So when I finally got my fucking nerve, me and Cameron were sitting on his bed. He was showing me his newest drawing book, but I wasn't paying attention. I was fucking looking at his face. I had a special love of his eyes, and the curve of his cheeks. Before really thinking it through, I reached over and cupped the back of his neck and brought him in, hard. The kiss really was terrible. Our teeth clanked together, I busted his lip and bruised mine. I couldn't have fucked it up any worse. But when I look back on it now, im still happy. Cameron didnt get mad at me. In fact he laughed, because I was so panicked and guilty for hurting him. And then I was laughing too. We sat like that until my stomach ached. And then Cameron was the one leaning in. He taught me how to kiss. That's a secret I never even told Sinclair. But that's how it happened. Cameron was soft and tender. something I had never experienced before. When I think about it, sometimes I can still feel his lips.
Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.
I don't even fucking like this question. Too much damn consideration....I don't even know if I can answer that. Cameron was cloud nine always. He was whispered secrets and fumbling kisses, late nights spent hanging off the edge of his bed and laughing, endless laughing, so much that my cheeks always ached. Cameron was a sweeter time in my life. I didn't drink back then, I didn't really have a need. If Sinclair wasnt around to keep me company when I couldn't sleep, Cameron was. I still think of his room like its some sacred hide away we shared. Most of the things people like about me, I started doing because of Cameron. My love for him was so intense that it built me up and helped shaped me.
Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
I regret Vince. I feel like it's changed the way my dad looks at me. I don't think he really even likes me anymore, and really why should he? I fucked his mate. I hurt Vince in ways he may never recover from. Dad has every reason to detest me. I hadn't thought that out. I mean, I knew he would be mad but I was hoping it would be the sort of mad where he felt the need to spend more time with me and teach me shit or something. Instead it back fired and nothings been the same since.
Talk about your biggest insecurity.
I don't like my fucking need for attention. Loneliness is just....It consumes me. And then I start thinking and my mind gets away with me and its really fucked up. Im always looking for some kind of company or some way to get someone's attention, and because of this im always in trouble now. I've just become mom and dad's fuck up kid, the packs lowest omega. Im the fucking worst, so I try to act like the best.
Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.
Somehow I imagined my first time as being something like what I hear coming from my parents bed room sometimes. It always sounds like they're fighting almost, and the next morning they're always kinda battered. My first time was nothing like that. Cameron had wanted to sketch the sun setting, so we sat on the rooftop until all the light had faded from the sky and all we were left with was the stars. I had instigated it. I hadn't known it would lead to so much, I had just wanted to kiss him so badly. Cameron has this really creamy skin, and when the moon hits him, I couldn't help but reach out and touch him, to make sure he was really there. I was surprised to find he was so warm. He looked like porcelain with his legs dangling from the edge of the roof. I loved kissing him. It started innocently, I was tugging him closer and closer, my lips traced their way up his arm and onto his shoulder. When I met his neck....the skin there was so soft and sensitive, I couldn't help but latch onto it. After that, before I realized I had Cameron laid out on the roof, guiding me inside of him while the constellations sat on my shoulders.
Talk about your worst fear.
My worst fear is that I'll eventually fuck up so badly that I lose my family and end up alone. I fear that a day will come that I wont be able to save Sinclair, or i'll finally do something so detestable that my parents disown me. And Britt? My worst fear with him is that ill accidentally hurt him one day.
Or maybe im afraid that im so invested in Britt that he'll wind up hurting me.
Talk about what turns you on.
I like people who are assertive. I want to be told what they like so I dont have to guess about it. And its a big turn on for me to have a loud lover. Plus I am a fucking attention whore, so naturally it gets me hot to have my name cried out during the act. I love to leave marks, and I like to have my own little reminders.
Talk about what turns you off.
Bossy bitches and mother fuckers who whine. I dont like people who cant get it up when they're drunk. I don't like long hair. And I hate people who have to sleep right after fucking.
Talk about what you do when you are sad.
I go to Sinclair. I used to go find dad too, but after the Vince thing we haven't been spending much time together so now my brother is all I have. I try not to bother Cameron anymore, but I do have some nights where he's the only person I want, so I wind up knocking on his door anyways.
Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
I guess when dad and I got into that fight over Vince caused me the worst pain iv'e ever endured. Dad hit me square on the jaw, but I felt it in my chest. It was like something broke, and sometimes it still aches. Especially when im missing him.
Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
I wish I could stop drinking. I don't even want to do it anymore, and a few times i've even tried to quit. I always go back to it though. Sometimes its because Britt takes me out, or im lonely or feeling like shit. I can never seem to shake that demon.
Talk about your guilty pleasures.
I think Cameron was my guilty pleasure. I knew it probably wasnt good for him to get involved with me, but I was selfish and I did it anyways. I was causing problems with his family, and losing him sleep, but it was like a drug to me, spending time with Cameron. I couldn't really stop myself.
Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
I had thought I was in love with Vince for a a while, really too fucking long if you ask me. He was the only person around when I was lonely so I guess I latched onto that and started having feelings for him. They didn't last though. Vince wasn't what I thought he was, and the relationship had been fake from the beginning. Looking back now, the entire thing was a disaster.
Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
I wish I had known how much my father still cared for Vince before I went and got involved. Maybe then I would have know better.
Talk about the end of something in your life.
Stein.
Stein has taken my brother away from me. That mother fucker was the end of my always having Sinclair around when I needed him. Now, if Stein has more pressing matters, Sinclair sticks with him.
And I absolutely hate it. But I guess all good things come to an end. Sinclair is...growing up.
