On the night of my death, when the rain was falling and the wind was whipping, your despair was so loud that I could hear it. Even though I was gone and my heart had ceased to beat, my senses failed, I could feel your grief, transcending distance and time to find me, clawing and terrible.
Sitka screaming and Denahi begging, all the crying notes of the birds, still could not drown out the wailing of your hands. You cradled me as though I was an infant instead of some dead thing, your tears washing my face and belly.
I once held you the same way, under our willow tree and in the many branches, on my bed and in the blackberry groves.
I believed you to be the greatest gift from god, and I was right.
Because of you, even though my life ended after thirteen years, I knew of more love than most knew in their entire lives.
I loved when you would laugh into our kisses.
Do you remember?
Please remember.
I cannot rest when you're weeping.
I wore your carhartt jacket because it was cold tonight. We used to switch out often, and I loved it because I could always smell you on the jacket and it was like always getting a warm hug from you even if you weren't really there.
I hope you can still wear my jacket and feel my arms, know im still around. I might not be as I once was, but our bond is something not even death can diminish.
Little bird is bound to Kwanita.
I will dream of kissing your lips again, and all the places I never got to caress.
I will dream of your giggling laughter and the way your blue eyes made me feel like I was at the edge of the world, listening to ocean waves churn and break over rocks.
I will dream of my birthday, and what it would have been. My precious blackberry cake you would have made for me, how Denahi would have probably pushed my face into it and the way Sitka would have praised your work. I will dream of the betrothal necklace I never got to wear.
But there is so much more,
I will dream of the wedding we never got to have, how you would have looked that day with your curling blonde hair. You would have giggled into the kiss when we said I do. And I would have been breathless staring into the tides of you eyes.
This
The way I would wake you up with little bumps to the nose when we could finally sleep together. I could reach out and you would be there, I could pull you closer whenever I needed. I would finally be able to touch all he places I had wondered about. I still bet you are soft, and so lovely. My only regret is that I never got to see more of you, experience more things with you.
And this,
I will dream of the family we never got to have together. A little tan skinned blue eyed baby that could have been my pride and joy and your little treasure. I will dream of everything that could have been, but never was.
I am made of memories and dreams now.
My love. My life. My Wiley Grace Abercrombie.
My gracious gift from god.
What I would give to be
Not more than six feet under our willow tree
What I would give to be
a sleeping body beside you
Kenai to Wiley
