Bullet Proof.

"No...I don't speak to him anymore but I still find myself missing him sometimes."  Bellamy's shoulders fell slightly as an ache began in his chest. "He has been my best friend ever since we were little kids. I can't remember a time without him.  He was there when I was a scrawny little punk.  He was the first person I told about joining the service.  I went to him after making love to Britt for the first time.  I was due to leave in like an hour and I was going to say goodbye to Britt one more time at the airport.  But I had to stop by Morgans house to tell him all about it.  I told him I was in love.  And I said goodbye to him.  I made him promise that he would watch over my family and  Britt while I was gone....I guess I didnt realize what I was asking."  The soldier shook his head mournfully. "I dont know what really hurt worse, losing my first love or this guy that I have known as my best friend ever since I can ever remember. This guy that I trusted to be my wing man, my best man...It just broke my heart."  Bellamy finished softly as he put the lid back onto the box.  It was then that he reached into the nightstand beside his bed.  From there he pulled a large photo album that he then handed over to Vitaly. On the front, in perfect cursive read "Bellamy and Morgan's first eighteen years." Inside was every photo of them ever taken, all the way up until he turned eighteen and left for service, trusting Morgan to care for his first boyfriend while he was away.  After that they never took another photo together.  They werent friends anymore.

"Im your world now, but you don't want to let go of the fucking bear and the thirt. I am your world now, but you were thill looking around for Bellamy.  I am your world now and I thill feel like im in competition for your love."  The young werewolf's shoulders had slumped in defeat by now, even as he reached up to gently wipe tears away from Britt's bright blue eyes. "I'm not going to make you throw anything out.  When you're ready...If you ever are ready...You go ahead.  But im not going to make you.  You'd only rethent me for it later.  Tho you can keep your thentimental thit. Im done worrying about it."  Except he wasnt and it was eating a hole through his chest. It was impossible to stop worrying about the boy he loved and where his affections lie.  But Sawyer couldn't find it in himself to argue anymore.  It wasnt changing anything.
He would just have to wait, and try to do better.

"I'm sorry he hurt you like that." Vitaly frowned deeply as he began to flip through the pictures in the album, feeling his chest ache as he saw how close the two boys truly were. They truly had been best friends. Even though Vitaly knew this boy was just as at fault, he couldn't help but hate Britt even more for this. He had not only taken away Bellamy's first love but also his best friend. He'd left the boy alone. "I'm glad I can be here now, so you don't have to be so alone... I mean I'm sure you would get along okay without me, but I don't like thinking of you alone." He sighed softly.

"Sawyer, stop that shit!" Britt groaned softly, taking the man's face firmly in his hands as he spoke. "I meant it when I said I'll get rid of them for you. I'm not going to be mad, I won't be upset, I want to get rid of them. I just never cared enough to make myself do it before because you didn't know. But if it's hurting you now, I want to get rid of it. I want you to do it with me, okay? And stop lying to me, I know you're not done worrying about it. I'm trying here but you have to let me try." He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do, how to show you you're my one, Sawyer. I'll never come over here again if that's what you want. I'll never look at Bellamy or any other guy I've been with again, okay? I just want to fix this, help me fix it."

"I hated being alone."  Bellamy reached out to gather the Russian once more against his chest, even tucking his chin over the boys shoulder as though to protect him from the cold. "Sometimes I thought I might die if I didn't talk to Morgan, but somehow I managed."  After losing Britt he had began suffering from terrible post traumatic stress disorder, and it had only worsened after he'd nearly been killed in the line of duty.  He'd watched several of his friends die that day, and then he'd been giving the bite and turned into a creature that his mother had been taught to despise.  He was desperate for a friend in those times, and he had no one.  Bellamy couldnt worry his parents or his brother.  The soldier had simply suffered in silence, and on several nights he'd even reached the point of picking out his revolver.  Guilt ate at him.  His heart never stopped hurting.
He was always afraid.
It was a wonder how he had made it through.  
"You were like the sun shining after a really long and viscous hurricane.  And I love the sunshine. I'd be lost without you."  The soldier cupped Vitaly's cheek then, gently guiding the boy up until finally their lips met. 

"Don't you fucking tell me to thop, Britt! Im hurting! I feel like my fucking cheth ith on fire or thomething and I can't breathe!" The young werewolf wasn't even sure it was fixable at this point.  He had taken so much strain, and now he was snapping.  "I don't think you can repair thith! Becauthe lithen to you! How long would you have kept the thit if that damned Ruthian hadn't brought it to my attention? I doubt you would have ever told me yourthelf! You would juth keep thothe thingth and you would let me be blithfully unaware! Right? Wathn't that the plan?" The boy cursed himself softly, doing his best to lower his voice. "I can't even argue with you anymore becauthe im tho fucking thcared that i'll run you off! Tho I don't want to talk about it anymore. I want to pretend thith didn't happen. I want to pretend that I haven't been living like a complete idiot for tho damned long."  He was still reeling from the fact that he had slept in a bed with that bear.  And the shirt....
It was still in the back of Britt's closet.
Sawyer thought he was going to be sick.

Vitaly tried to pretend butterflies didn't soar in his stomach as soon as their lips met. But it was useless. He wrapped an arm around the soldier's neck, bringing him in closer while still keeping the kiss gentle.
"I love you, my medvezhonok, and I'm never going to let you be lonely again. Don't worry." He smiled softly when he pulled back, their lips still brushing lightly as he spoke.

"Sawyer the only damn thing that's going to run me off is if you keep trying to push this shit off like it's no big deal! We have to fucking talk about it, we have to fix it! I'm not going to let you pretend it didn't happen until you end up fucking hating me in a few years. If we're going to be forever, we're going to have fights. And we're going to fuck up. But we have to fix it, that's what couples do, damnit." Britt sighed as he moved to take the man's hands. "Just please, talk to me, okay? You're not going to run me off. I'm here to stay, I told you this. I'm done cheating, I'm done running away from commitment. You have me, so fucking talk to me."

"Oh, is that right?  Can I get it in writing?"  The soldier was obviously only teasing, his dimples deep with the intensity of his smile.  "Really though, I love you too and the greatest thing in the world is that im not....Im not worried about you abandoning me like he did.  I dont know...I just feel like you are different.  Our love is higher.  Nothing can break it apart."  The mans cheeks reddened as he realized how ridiculous he must sound.  "Not to creep you out or anything.  I know this is your first go of things but I just...I wanted you to know that I truly believe that we are forever.  I trust you with my heart, my family...I trust you to love me back, even when it gets hard.  Because I love you so much....You'd be crazy to walk away from me." 

"Alright, fine.  Leth fucking talk."  The werewolf dropped Britt's hands in favor of capturing the boys face.  Despite the intensity burning in his eyes, Sawyer's touch was surprisingly gentle as he caressed his mates cheek. "I hate that damned tholdier and I hate that you want to keep hith thit! I underthand you will let go and I apprethicate that! But I want you to want to let go! I do not want to make you! I want you to love me tho much that you don't need that other thuff to make you happy! I don't want you to feel the need to look for Bellamy when you're hurt! Ethpecially when im right here ad tho damned willing to do anything you need me to do!"  The boys chest as heaving now as he bared his soul to Britt, unable to stop himself no matter how hard he tried. It was as though something had snapped inside of him, and now that he was finally breaking he couldnt stop. "I hate that no matter what I do, I thill feel like im competing with thomeone elthe who hath done it with you before.  I give you flowerth and they don't compare to the collection Bellamy brought you! I try new drugth to keep up with you, juth tho I can be cool and bad ath to you like Piper!! I don't ever want you to think of me ath a lother! But thill I catch you thinking about him thometimeth! What do I have to do to be the only fucking man in your life?" The young werewolf leaned forward to land a nearly desperate kiss to Britt's lips. "I love you! I want everything with you and im not one of thothe guthy people but I do believe in a happy ending if it'th with you! But only if it'th with you! Tho pleathe, juth tell me what I can do to be better than Bellamy and Piper and fucking Morgan and Denahi! Whoever elthe! I juth...I want to be all you think about becauthe you are thure ath fuck the only thing that'th ever on my mind." By the time Sawyer finished, he was completely breathless and still attempting to sloppily press their lips together in desperation.

Vitaly smiled softly, even as he felt the sharp pain hitting him in the chest. Bellamy trusted him, Bellamy thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. God, he wanted to do that. He tried to push it off though, knowing it would only depress him. He had to enjoy their last few days together. He was going to make them worthwhile.
"Don't worry, you're not creeping me out. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with you too. I'm glad you feel it too because I was wondering if every love felt like this and I was just unaware because I'd never experienced it before." He smirked. "You could never creep me out, Bellamy. You're too adorable." He chuckled, eyeing the man's red cheeks.

Britt kept their foreheads pressed together, wrapping his arms around the man's neck before he spoke again.
"Okay, first of all what I need you to know is that you are better, Sawyer. You're already better than all of them. That's why I'm with you, not them. You know I'm shitty at explaining my feelings but really, Sawyer. I love you so much. The only one of those other guys I've ever been comfortable enough to say that to was Bellamy. Piper fucked me over. He's my friend now but I could never be with him again. Morgan and Denahi, they don't mean anything. They were some great sex, sure. But I can get that from you whenever I want it." He gave a soft smile, attempting to boost his lover's ego at least a little bit. "So if there's any competition, it would be Bellamy. But what I'm trying to tell you is that I love you even more than I loved him, so there's no real competition at all. I don't feel anything for him anymore. The reason I looked for him just now is because I'm a selfish bitch, Sawyer. I am possessive of things even though they're not mine anymore. Even though I was over Piper completely, I was still jealous when he got with Jace. And even though I don't love Bellamy anymore, I still don't like him moving on. I'm an attention whore. I like guys wanting me even though they can't have me. So even though I know this makes me a shitty person, I wanted him to be here worrying over me. Not because I needed him, just because I want him to still care. I'm just selfish, I don't want him to move on. You're the only guy that gets my love anymore, but I want everyone to want it." He sighed. It was something he didn't like even admitting to himself because he knew just how shitty it was. He should be happy Bellamy was moving on and not hurting anymore, but he couldn't be. "And about his stuff in my apartment... it's not... it's not because I need them. It's just because there are memories attached. I'll admit, I'm sentimental and I like the memories. But you're right, I should have gotten rid of them by now if I'm really giving you all of me. I don't need memories of him anymore. So you're not making me, I'll get rid of them willingly. I want to get rid of them because I know it's not fair to you. I never want to hurt you, Sawyer." He leaned in to press a sweet kiss to the man's lips, taking a breath before continuing. "And the last thing I need to talk about is that bullshit about trying to compete with them. You don't have to compete with anything Sawyer. When you bring me flowers, I'm not comparing them to the ones he used to get me. All I'm thinking is that you're fucking adorable for thinking of it in the first place. And shit, I never knew that's why you did drugs with me. I wish you would have told me that a hell of a lot sooner, I'm not trying to turn you into a junkie, babe. You don't have to do any shit you don't want to and I'm not going to think you're a loser if you don't. You just still better lay on the roof with me while I do them so you can keep an eye on me." He smiled softly. "I didn't realize you were feeling so shitty that you were about to explode like this. Next time, just tell me sooner, okay? I want to work this shit out before it gets this bad."

"Every love doesnt feel like this."  Bellamy wore a sweet smile as he explained, still steadily gathering the photo's up in order to take them all outside. "I like to believe that every love is different, no matter what. But I can feel that what you and me have....Its so much more than what I had with Britt.  It was my first love.  I didn't know any better."  The soldier finished packing the box, satisfied and even slightly relieved to finally be letting Britt go. "But now I do.  Now I know that my love for Britt was like puppy love.  What I have for you is that soul steal kind of love.  It completely takes my breath away.  You take my breath away."

"Okay."  It seemed to be all the young wolf could muster, his chest still heaving as he processed all of his mates assurances.  He had been drowning under all of those insecurities, so much that he couldn't even find it in himself to say anything.  But now...It was as though he could finally breath again.  Britt had pulled him out of the water.
"Okay."  The boy repeated once more, his hands still quivering slightly as he reached out to gather Britt against his chest.  "I know you love me.  But it juth maketh me feel better to actually hear it. You're tho gorgeouth....I know that there are tho many people looking to take you away from me.  I can't help but be nervouth.  But I love you...And I know you love me too. Thoemtimeth I juth think you could do better."  And that was till true.  Sawyer was certain that if Britt wanted he could move on to whom ever he pleased, even Bellamy.  But the boy never did.  He stayed with Sawyer.
And for that, the young wolf was grateful.

"It feels nice to hear you say that." Vitaly informed, stealing one last kiss as he moved to help the man carry all of the letters and photographs. It was almost sad, that Bellamy still had so many, that he was still so hung up on Britt. But Vitaly was helping him get over it and he was proud of that. "I'm honored to be the one that steals your breath away, soldier." He smirked, taking the man's hand then, ready to lead him outside. "Is this everything then?"

"You're kidding, right?" Britt arched an eyebrow, the look on his face showing his disbelief. Sawyer thought he could do better? "Sawyer, baby, I'm a slut with daddy issues, a fear of commitment, and a mild drug addiction. I'm a walking fucking disaster." He couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head as he realized just how highly his lover thought of him. "You're the one that could do better. I'm just lucky you mated with me so you're stuck with me." He smirked, leaning in to press a gentle peck to the man's cheek.

A few weeks later and Vitaly was still allowing the relationship to continue, even though he knew it was only going to screw him over in the end. He had fallen even deeper in love even though he hadn't thought that was possible.
Tonight though, Bellamy had asked him if he was ready, if he'd still like to make love. Vitaly knew he couldn't turn the man down and god, he had never been more ready for anything in his life.
But he couldn't help but think of the deal he'd made with himself what felt like years ago now. He was just waiting until their first time, then he'd end it. He couldn't put this off any longer. So he had said yes, even if he knew how this night had to end.
Now they were lying in his bed back in his apartment, his small dagger still tucked safely underneath of his pillow for when he would need it. His stomach was tightening with dread, but he hoped it could come off as just nerves for now.

"Hey, there's no reason for you to be nervous.  We don't even have to do this if you don't want to."  Bellamy was sitting on the edge of his bed, shirtless with his hands folded in his lap as he watched Vitaly.  The solider had been undressing them both, but he had stopped and moved back once he realized how nervous Vitaly seemed to be.  "Making love with you is going to be special no matter what so we really don't have to rush it.  Im happy to just lie with you if thats what you want."  Bellamy opened his arms, hands gesturing for the Russian to lean in to his embrace. He did nothing to force Vitaly though, simply waiting and allowing the boy to take his time.

"Oh trust me, I want to." Vitaly reassured as he moved forward to lean into the soldiers embrace, already enjoying just the feeling of their bare skin brushing against each other. "It's just that we've discussed how I've never waited to do something like this... it's usually just emotionless for me, it doesn't matter if I'm not perfect at it. But with you... it's different. I want it to be perfect with you." He murmured softly, pressing their lips together gently. Everything he was saying was true, it just wasn't the only reason he was nervous.

"Oh man, thats the glory of being with someone you love though.  Even if its not perfect play by play, it will still be precious and right no matter what we do.  Because we love eachother."  The soldier caught Vitaly's chin with skilled fingers, guiding the boy slowly up to meet his lips in a soul connecting kiss. "You can do no wrong in my eyes, especially not now.  Im just grateful to be here touching your skin like this.  feeling you bare is...Its indescribable."  Not even Britt had ever given him such a rush of excitement.

"You don't have to describe it, I know exactly what you mean." Vitaly smiled softly, moving to wind his arm around the man's neck, laying down and pulling the soldier atop of him. "I'm ready, okay? You're right, it's going to be perfect no matter what happens." Truly, he couldn't see a way it would go wrong. Bellamy was perfect.

"I love you." The soldier whispered these words in a mantra as he began trailing his lips along Vitaly's jawline, slowly dropping lower to burn down the hollow column of the boys neck before coming to a pause at his collar bone.  "I think you're my one.  I love you.  If we do this...."  He had already felt there was something strange about the intensity of their connection, it had clicked immediately in the moment they met.  Even before he knew the boys name, Bellamy knew he would die loving him.
He'd had months to think about it now, and he'd already come to the conclusion that Vitaly was meant to be his mate.   With Britt he had wanted that connection, but it simply hadnt been there.  Not like this.
This was true.
"Im going to claim you as my mate, okay?  I think its already happened but this can...we can make  it official here, if you're willing.  I love you.  Im sure of this.  But if you're not its okay.  I wanted to ask though."  He needed to at least try, even though he wasnt certain what reaction he would receive. They had discussed the mating ties before, and he knew that it would be a huge step for Vitaly to take.  He had learned of how hard the Russian's up bringing had been.  But Bellamy wanted this.  No one would ever love Vitaly like he could, and the boy deserved no less than that.  His love for the Russian was unbound and ever growing. It was only fair Vitaly got to experience it fully.

Vitaly felt his heart swell at the boy's words. He leaned in, trailing kisses of his own along the man's jaw before looking back up to meet his gaze. "I would love for you to claim me as your mate." He murmured softly, nuzzling the soldier's neck then as he laid back, running his hands along the man's sides. "I think you're right, it's already happened. But make it official then, tonight."

The soldiers heart soared as he received permission to claim the Russian as his own. This was a moment that he had been dreaming of for months, ever since realizing that he was in love with the gorgeous dark haired beauty beneath him. "Oh man, you don't understand what it means to me that you want this too. I know how hard and lonely your life has been until now. It's an honor to have you trust me with your future. " The soldiers hands were at Vitaly's hips, thumbs gently massaging as his lips worked their way down between words. "I was almost afraid to ask. I would have been heartbroken if you would have said no."

"Well I couldn't break your heart, now could I?" Vitaly smiled softly, hooking his arms around the man's neck and wrapping his legs around his waist, bringing the man in so their bodies were pressed as flush against each other as possible. "I love you." He murmured as he kissed him deeply, over and over again, determined to enjoy this night with his lover.

"I like to think not. I like to believe that you specialize in putting me back together."  Bellamy's smile could be felt in the crook of his lips as he kissed down the length of Vitaly's collarbone.  One hand was stroking the Russian's hip, his touch warm and feather soft, as though he were afraid of holding the boy too tightly.  His other hand though was guiding one of Vitaly's leg's to rest around his waist.  He was eager in a way he'd never been before, the sapphire blue of his eyes seeming to glow with warmth even in the dim lighting of the room. "I love you for that and everything else that you are."

Vitaly felt his stomach flipping at Bellamy's touch, feeling the way his leg curled perfectly around the man's waist. For a moment he forgot everything else, what he had to do when this was over, the lonely future that he was facing. All he thought about was Bellamy's lips on his collarbone, the man's hands gently brushing against his flesh, the extreme love he had for the man hovering over him. He leaned in then, trailing kisses down his jawline.
"I love you too, soldier." His voice was barely more than a whisper, basking in the warmth that Bellamy seemed to give off as he ran his hands down the man's sides and back, letting the soft pads of his fingers glide over all of the hardened muscles. He eventually settled, one hand resting at the base of Bellamy's neck, fingers curled in the soft blonde locks. The other was gripping at one of the man's strong shoulder blades. He moved his other leg to curl around the man's waist, taking a moment to simply enjoy the feeling of being so close to the love of his life, so completely entangled. There was only one way to bring them closer and he felt the butterflies stirring in his stomach in anticipation of it.

"And you're ready for this?"  The soldier was already positioned at Vitaly's entrance,  the head of his member applying slight pressure in his excitement but he sill refused to move forward until he heard from the Russian's lips that he was completely comfortable and ready.  "For me to move, I mean.  I kinda get that you want this too by now.  I just...I want this to be perfect.  I want you to remember this and me whenever you're sad so it has to be everything you've ever wanted." As he spoke, one of Bellamy's hands had moved up to gently caress the back of the boys neck. "Just say the word, but until then im happy just being this close to you."  The mans blue eyes were glowing piercingly through the dim lighting in the room.  He was fully shifted by now, the warmth in his gaze one of a werewolf looking into the eyes of its mate.  Nothing else mattered in the world, just Vitaly and his pleasure.

"You can move, Bellamy." Vitaly whispered, his lips brushing against the outer shell of his lover's ear. "I'm ready for it. I've never been more ready for anything." He was smiling softly, determined not to think about what the future held for them. This moment was enough. "Go ahead." His hand gently trailed down his lover's side, savoring the feeling of the man's smooth skin and rippling muscles underneath of his fingertips.

The soldier wanted nothing more than to swiftly snap forward and bury himself inside Vitaly's depths, but he was a gentleman and he loved the Russian much too tenderly to rush forward in such a way. Instead Bellamy eased gently against the boys entrance, sinking in slowly and staring into Vitaly's eyes the entire time. He held his breath in these moments, unable to do anything other than bask in the bliss of finally claiming his mate.

Vitaly's lips parted as he was entered, his back arching up into his lover as he allowed the man to claim him.
"Bellamy." He groaned out, tilting his head back and letting his eyes slip shut, just enjoying the feeling of the soldier so close to him, completely sheathed inside of him. "God, I love you." He panted as he wrapped his arms tightly around the man's shoulders, pressing him close.
For a few minutes he forgot completely about his mission, about this being the last minutes they'd spend together. He could only enjoy this moment, whispering reassurances of his love into the quiet room.
He could only be blissfully ignorant for so long though, the thoughts of what he had to do never able to leave him alone. With one arm around Bellamy's shoulders, he pressed him closer so his head was buried in the crook of his neck. He enjoyed the feel of the man's lips on the bare flesh of his throat.
By this time he knew it was nearly over. So with Bellamy's head pressed against him, he allowed himself to use his other hand to reach under the pillow, retrieving the dagger and clutching it tightly in his free hand, which he brought up to hover over his lover's back. He took deep breaths to calm himself, once again trying to lose himself in the pleasure of finally making love to his soldier.
He tried to remind himself that if he had to die, this would be a wonderful way to go. Blissfully ignorant until the last moment, holding onto his lover. Bellamy would not be the one hurting. It'd be over soon for him, Vitaly would make sure of it by the placement of his dagger. Bellamy would be fine, he would be the one left behind to hurt.

Bellamy had been too caught up in Vitaly to notice how the Russian was now clutching a knife behind his back.  He was carefully stroking the boys hair and kissing him in between sensual rolls of his hips.  It was Vitaly himself that altered the soldier of anything being out of place.  The Russian had been nervous the entire time, and as his mate Bellamy could feel that, too.  He had thought it was the excitement over their coupling, especially after it had faltered a moment upon the beginning of their making love.  But now he felt as though the boy were nearly drowning in some sort of dread.  It chilled Bellamy to his very core, cause a cold sweat to break over the soldiers face as he stopped all movements completely in favor of gently taking Vitaly's face into his hands.  
"Hey, whats wrong with you?  I told you we didn't have to do this, I promise it's really fine.  I just love you.  Im going to love you now and in the morning and my entire life, no matter what happens."  He cooed soothingly, his voice tender and sincere.  Of all the things going through his mind, all the possibilities of what could be wrong with his lover, he'd never expect the reality of it.  Bellamy was still innocently thinking that the Russian simply wasnt prepared for intimacy between them.

Vitaly could only swallow hard, pressing his forehead into the crook of his lover's neck as the knife trembled in his hand. He had been pretending for months now that everything was fine, that he wasn't a cold-blooded killer but now, he couldn't even manage a lie. All it took was a smile and a reassurance of "I'm fine." But he couldn't force himself to do that now, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest.
"Not feeling well." He croaked out finally. It wasn't a lie. He wasn't, not at all. He was realizing now how stupid it had been, thinking he could enjoy their first time while knowing what he had to do afterwards. He just had to do it now, get it over with. And then he'd just kill himself and end it all instead of dealing with the pain.
So he rose the knife then, taking a breath to calm himself and assuring he had it in the right position to kill immediately. If he did it right, Bellamy would only be conscious for maybe ten seconds. By now, his hand was shaking so violently he doubted that he'd be able to do it correctly though. He'd be lucky to hit the man's heart at all.
He pressed his face tighter into Bellamy's neck, inhaling the scent of the man's sweat mixed with his musky cologne. He thought then of how he'd never get to experience this feeling again after tonight, never get to hold the man in his arms, never get to feel the man's lips against his skin. It was all over and now he couldn't even take more time to enjoy it. He tried to convince himself to put it off longer but he quickly pushed those thoughts away. It was now or never.
And that was when he realized he couldn't do it. It was never.
He could not put this knife in Bellamy's back, the man who had taught him what love was. He didn't want to lose that.
"I can't do this." He admitted it out loud then, casting the knife away from him, watching it thud against the wall and then hit the floor.