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 Its your birthday.

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Bellamy Odair

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Posts : 151
Join date : 2015-10-31

PostSubject: Its your birthday.   Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:16 pm

So here's the first of the Christmas fics even if its posted in November hehe I hope you enjoy it and I hope that it makes you feel better.  I love you and you are seriously the best friend I could have ever asked for.


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It's your birthday today.  I can never forget it, no matter how I try to convince myself that it doesn't mean anything to me anymore.  The date creeps up every year, and again every year i'm left feeling more empty than the next.  I still check my messages, thinking that maybe you will reach out to me on this special day.  

Do you remember Piper?

Do you remember how just four  years ago we were spending this day together?

Do you remember standing in the middle of my room, with your hands tenderly squeezing my ass and your breath warm against my neck? I remember that. I remember how my stomach fluttered when you lifted my shirt and I could never hope to forget the taste of your lips.
Do you remember the feel of mine?
Or has Jace replaced that feeling?
You're with him today. 
I know it.
Everyone that knows you knows it.

But it can't be possible that he loves you like I do.  When we spent your birthday together, I had made extravagant plans for us to go out.  I wanted it to be the most memorable birthday of your life and you had sworn it was.
I wonder if that's still true.
All of my careful planning for that night had gone to waste.  While getting dressed you had put on your favorite playlist, smooth and sensual rap songs that kept you occupied while I was fixing my hair.
You kissed me from behind and turned me with your hands on my hips.  I remember that your eyes kept flickering from my face to the mirror behind me.  You kept telling me how glorious my ass was.  
I learned to love it, too.
Because I thought you meant it.
But you've probably told Jace the same.

I remember the way you smelled, like cinnamon coffee and stale marijuana smoke. And how your fingertips felt as they guided through my hair, ruining all my hard work only to arrange it in a way that made you grin so widely...
I liked it better that way.

The touching somehow lead to my clothes being discarded, so that you could kiss every inch of skin.  You had loved that, making little trails of hickeys so that everyone would know that I was yours.  We listened to the  music and your hands made imprints on my soul that night.  We counted down to midnight, and we were still connected when time ran short and your birthday was over.

I got to kiss you at twelve.

It is your birthday today, and I hardly see you anymore.  Last year you had text me to see what my plans were but when I answered you never text back.  I saw you that night at the bar with Jace, just stopping by for a quick drink before taking him out dancing.

Like it was his birthday or something.
I know you hate to dance, you told me so.

It is your birthday today.  Happy Birthday.  You will be blowing out candles and begging Jace let you give him a birthday spanking instead, just as you had done me that one year.   I wonder if you will listen to those same songs you played for me, or if you will eat dry cereal like we had because we couldn't be bothered to get dressed and separate long enough to go out.

It is your birthday today.  I've checked my messages but there are none.  I went over to Jesse's home for a gathering with Ajax and saw you there with Jace.  You had him bouncing in your lap, with your hands placed firmly at his hips.  It reminded me of the way you used to hold me.

And that makes me sick.

How could you ever touch him like you touched me?
How could you love him like you were supposed to love me?
I wonder if you ever think about me anymore.  I hope that I haunt you.  I hope that you cant sleep because you miss the way I used to curl up on your chest and count out the beating of your heart.  I want you to look at Jace and know that he could never be as good as me.  I hope you look at him and his brown eyes and miss the blue oceans of mine.  I hope that you are sorry for what you let go.  I hope you miss me.

I miss you.

It is your birthday today. I only got 15 months of your life when I loved you but these four years gone without me still feel like the deepest form of betrayal. If I told you happy birthday would you open the message?  Would you smile when you read it and opt to spend time with me?

Or would it even matter to you at all?

Maybe you wouldn't even bother reading it.

It is your birthday today.  It will be your birthday next year and the year after that.  I wont be there.  You wont ever hear my voice telling you happy birthday again, and you wont ever get the pleasure of my precise  number of birthday kisses.  No more Britt and Piper.

It is your birthday today and four year ago you had kissed me with your arms around me like you meant it. Hands down.  End game.  I had thought you meant it.

It is your birthday today, and you didnt mean it. 
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