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Eustass Kidd

Eustass Kidd

Posts : 351
Join date : 2015-11-20

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PostSubject: Back to December    Back to December  EmptyFri Dec 18, 2015 12:24 am

Happy day four of shipmas!!! I love you very much and I hope you enjoy this Smile



"I'm so glad you made time to see me."  Wiley grinned brightly as the older Native shuffled at his side.  The man was dressed in a way that made Wiley's heart flutter every time he glanced over.   Tonight was his special award ceremony, and Denahi had not disappointed him. The werewolf had been early instead of just on time, completely clean shaven and wearing a soft silk well fitting suit, dark grey in color and even complete with a matching tie whose name neither of them could properly pronounce.  It was one of Beau's favorites.
"How's life? Tell me how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while."  Denahi had been understandably quiet, but that didn't stop Wiley from trying to  make small talk.  He wanted to know more about the mans relationship with Sitka, if it had gotten better since that night of their talk.  Ever since becoming a werewolf he hadn't truly felt welcomed around the hunters home.  The last time he was there had been for his crocodile.
"They seem well .  The bears claw  has taken up a child that was left at their doorstep and his sweet one is helping.  They are like a little family now."  The native kept his responses short, golden eyes still unable to meet Wiley's bright blue. He was nervously thinking of the man he had left behind, at home.  Beau would throw a fit, the native was certain.  His millionaire had specifically requested he attend at some other event, and at this point Denahi wasn't sure how bad his reaction might be to see him gone tonight.
God, he hoped it was forgivable.  The last thing Denahi wanted was to lose his Bodaway, but there was absolutely no way he could have missed this.  For Kenai and Kwanita.
For himself. 

You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

"Yeah, I heard you were an 'escort' now!"  The younger werewolf attempted to lighten the mood, carefully leaning closer to link arms with the taller native. 
"And I heard you got your little blonde ass skinned by the crocodile on the day of your awards for picking at him."  Denahi's voice was still slightly strained, but it was obvious the man was trying to loosen up. 
He had never wanted to lose Wiley in the first place. 
Now he was simply working on not losing the boy completely, no matter how hard it was loving him from afar. 
Especially after that night. 
The last time he had saw the boy was still etched into the back of his mind.  Wiley had worn a long sleeved sweater, something flannel and baby blue that made his eyes shine so bright.  
Even brighter than the tears.
Denahi had begged him then, to try for a little while longer. He'd grasped at the boys hands and pressed his face into Wiley's blonde curls to no avail.
It wasnt working, the boy  had no more time to waste on them. 

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

Wiley wanted to tell him then and there that he was sorry, but the words seemed to catch in his throat whenever he tried.  And maybe Denahi wanted it that way.  For so long the native had avoided him afterwards, and even now he seemed to be dancing around what had happened between them, how they had ended.
Wiley's couldn't really blame him.  Not after how the werewolf had loved him.
Not after he had let Denahi go.
He didn't have a right to be sorry anymore anyways.  His crocodile finally seemed to be moving on from him.  He had been all smiles while talking about Beauregard, his new employer/lover or whatever they were together.  Denahi seemed happy.  Not completely satisfied but man, he was grinning so widely it reminded Wiley of his time spent with Bane, before everything became so complicated.
Wiley should be grateful that he had finally moved on.
But the boy couldnt stomach that smile without is head spinning.  Denahi had grinned at him like at, before the fear became too much and tore them apart.  There was a time when his crocodile had looked at no one but him with such a gleam in his golden eyes. Wiley missed that, being Denahi's special someone.
He hadn't thought he would miss it this badly. 

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.

"How have you been Kwanita?  The crocodile thinks that you should take better care of yourself.  Too much studying."  Denahi seemed to be teasing him as they walked through the auditorium, sitting together in the front row in order to await his award and name being called.  
The man must have caught the strange grimace that had crossed Wiley's face, because Denahi was smirking at him now and leaning over to wrap one of his strong and tan arms around the boys shoulders. "Did Kwanita really think that the crocodile would not notice? You have bags under your eyes and even though you have always been an ivory color, like you tan with the moon or something, it's paler now.  Kwanita hasn't been getting enough sleep."   Denahi  had learned these things himself over time, but even before that  Kenai had told him all the symptoms that confirmed whenever Wiley was feeling sickly or exhausted.  Their little bird had been so observant of his Kwanita.
"I just didn't think you paid that much attention,"  Wiley did his best to keep his breathing steady even as he lied.  The truth was, he had been afraid that Denahi would figure out the truth, how instead of studying he had been losing sleep thinking about their relationship and everything he could have done to make it last.  He had been the one to end things, after all.  Even if Denahi had been the one to leave afterwards.  Wiley couldnt blame him for that.  The man had looked even more hurt than the night Sitka had nearly killed him.  
And then after that Denahi had began avoiding him, and really that was great because Wiley had no idea what he would have said to the man back then.  He was still coming to terms with his decision and struggling with his grief over losing Kenai.  He had thought it was best to distance himself from Denahi for a little while, too.  At least until he had himself under control again.  
But then more and more time passed, and before Wiley knew it Denahi's birthday had come and gone.  They had promised to meet each other on such anniversaries at Kenai's willow tree.  Wiley had exams the entire day, and he had once more gone home to dream of Kenai and mourn how he had not lived to take the same exams.  He had not made it out to the tree.
Denahi had never brought it up.
"The crocodile always pays attention to his Kwanita, even if you are chicken shit."  The native pulled Wiley from his thoughts with his ringing laughter, a sly and teasing grin brightening his features.  The view was gorgeous but it made Wiley's heart ache.  Denahi looked so happy now, like he had back when they had been together and only just beginning their relationship.  So many times he had looked up from a book he was studying to see the native sprawled across the mattress and snickering at him. He man always noted that he was adorable when he was all concentrated on studying.  
Denahi truly had paid attention to him.  
The man had known everything to say that made him almost stay. 

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

But in the end Wiley had not been able to get past his little birds ghost.  It was too much, how sometimes if he turned his head fast enough, for just a moment he would see Kenai's sweet face instead of Denahi's handsome smile.  Their skin had been too alike in color, the same dark caramel color that seemed to glow in the sun.  Even the shape of their eyes were similar.  No matter how happy Denahi made him, Wiley would always find himself feeling trapped and unable to breathe when faced with those quick glimpses of Kenai.  All they did was tear his heart wide open once more, made him imagine what his little bird would look like if he had made to into manhood. The little glimpses could never be enough to satisfy.  They merely left Wiley aching and  he had needed that to stop.  
And that meant that Denahi had to go.  If he was going to move on and heal, he needed time away from his precious crocodile.
He had known this then, and he knew it now.
So why did it still hurt?
Maybe because after losing Denahi, he had realized there were things worse than simply missing Kenai.  After their breakup, Wiley had found himself craving his crocodile's touch.  In their time spent together he had grown to love the man, and with him gone it felt as though another chunk of Wiley's heart was missing.  Now there was nothing to distract him from missing Kenai and if anything his ache had only intensified with the loss of Denahi.
What if he had made the wrong decision?
The young werewolf was so caught up in his thoughts that he didnt register his name being called.  Wiley's head only whipped up after Denahi was nudging him and whispering proudly  in his ear. It was time for him to go up and accept his award.
On his walk to the stage, Wiley wondered if Kenai was watching him too.  

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

Wiley had thought that getting the award would be the best part of the night.
He had been wrong.
The best part had been coming back to Denahi and having the man's arms envelope him completely.  The native held him so tightly that his feet even left the ground for a moment, and when he let go Wiley found himself breathless to see the prideful smile he wore.
"You did so great Kwanita, our little bird would be so proud of you.  The crocodile is proud of you, even if you are still a chicken shit. You have come a long way."  The native had held his hand after that, for the rest of the evening and even while they were driving back to Beauregard's mansion. 
Wiley found himself unable to properly appreciate his award.  All he could seem to manage was quick glances over to Denahi, in the hopes of catching that same familiar love in the mans golden orbs.  But the young track start found himself distracted even by other things. The arms that had held him earlier, so strong and warm.  They had handled him with the same tender touch as they did the first time Denahi had witnessed him crying. It had been the anniversary of their litter birds death, and he had been unable to stop the tears that night, just like every other year.  But his crocodile had not left him alone to suffer.  The man had been right there with him the entire time, wiping his tears away and singing soft native lullabies.
And even his fingers, so dark and tanned  against his own creamy tones, reminding Wiley so much of more things he had adored about  the man.  Denahi was perfect in every sort of way, and if he couldn't have Kenai then obviously his older brother was the next best thing.
But he had made a promise, and no matter what he did he couldnt convince himself that Kenai would truly be okay with this.  He would smile and say it was fine maybe, but deep down Wiley was determined that it would have hurt him. But Wiley had wanted to believe it would be okay so badly.  He'd even told Denahi of the promise he had made with their little bird, the boys reasons for wanting it.  The older werewolf had taken it well, doing his best to convince Wiley that he was simply over thinking it to the point of making himself guilty.  
Kenai would want him to be happy more than anything else.
But in the end. Wiley had not been able to believe him. 
Now though....The boy was beginning to believe.  And in some ways he was desperate to try again with his crocodile. If he could just do that, and start over...
He swore to himself he would love the man right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.
But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...

"The crocodile had a wonderful time seeing his Kwanita tonight, and he was honored to be your one guest."  They were parked outside of Beau's extravagant home by now, and Denahi was gathering up the coat to his suit in preparation to leave.
But god, Wiley wasnt ready to let him go let.
To see the man and spend an entire day with him after missing him so terribly...It had been like a blessing for him.  And now it was over and he didnt want that.  He wasnt ready for that.
"Before you go I just,"  Wiley was reaching for the Native's hand, his fingers clutching at it desperately as he swallowed back the lump in his throat.
This was it.  He was breaking their unspoken rule of not talking about their relationship.
And Denahi seemed to know that, too.  His eyes, so golden and warm had become wide and bright with pain.
At least Wiley knew it still meant something to him.
"I wanted to tell you that im sorry, Denahi.  You are my crocodile and I love you, I have always loved you and I still love you and im so sorry that I hurt you.  If I- If I could go back I would do things differently. I would try harder to make things work because now I realize that missing you is worse than all my guilty late nights listening to you snore. I would do anything to change it but I cant so you just- you gotta know that I love you and im sorry...."  The young werewolf heaved softly in an attempt to catch his breath, blue eyes still fixated on Denahi.  "And my home is still your home if you ever want to come back to it, Your home."  
Silence fell over them then, with Denahi's golden gaze shifting from his face back to Beau's home. The man looked as though he had been trying to make a decision.
He was.
The next thing Wiley knew, his crocodile was stepping out of the vehicle. 
"This is my home now, Kwanita.  The crocodile is sorry.  He loves you, too." 
But that was it.  The native had turned his back to the car and was now lumbering up the long drive way.

Wiley was left alone in the biting wind.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
All the time.
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