When it rains, it pours

Nikita was a treasure. Eustass had known this long ago, and yet it still runs through the alphas mind each time he lays eyes on the bright eyed boy. Bellamy is a lucky man.
The thought comes almost bitterly. There had been a time when Eustass envied no one. And even still, it always came back to Bellamy alone, how he'd finally found the family he'd dreamt of.
How Vitaly had made it happen.
Eustass may never experience such bliss. He was making peace with this though, or at the very least trying. It became increasingly more difficult each time he saw them now, the perfect little family that he'd never have.
Nikita almost made up for it though, always giving the alpha small glimpses of what it would be like to father a son of his own.
Bellamy was sprawled out in the floor of Eustass's home, Nikita perched in his lap as they played with his favorite toys. The alpha had taken to living at his place with Vitaly while himself and Thatcher were on leave, but whenever they had a chance to come back the alpha disappeared home to Thatch until their time together ran short.
Vitaly still liked to visit though, having grown accustom to the alpha in Bellamy's absence. Nikita too seemed to have gathered some fondness for Eustass, enough to give Bellamy a jealous sting whenever his son gave the alpha special attention.

Thatcher made his way into the room, smiling at the two men on the floor as well as their small son. But he walked right past them and over to his lover on the couch, perching himself across the man's lap as he often did and capturing his lips deeply. He and Bellamy had only been home for a few days now so he was still craving as much contact with his lover as possible, wanting to make up for the months apart.
"Shit, I've missed you, alpha man." He let out a content sigh then as he murmured in the man's ear, hands absentmindedly caressing down the man's sides.
"Hey." Vitaly snapped as he placed his hands over Nikita's small ears. "Think you can wait until Nikky is gone to grope him?" He glared lightly, not truly trying to start a fight over this but wanting Thatcher to knock it off before Nikita saw something he didn't need to.
Thatcher merely grunted.
"My house. I'll grope my boyfriend if I please." Thatcher was never good around Nikita, even when he tried. He was constantly cursing or saying inappropriate things without realizing it. He loved the boy though, just like the others did. He just wasn't a "kid-friendly" person.

"Not right now you won't soldier." Eustass had caught his lovers hands, holding them in a tender grip in an attempt to lighten the reprove. "Vitaly's right, we don't want Nikita to learn anything before it's his time." A chaste kiss was brushed against the back of Thatcher's neck, promising they would have their fun later. Eustass too was still aching with want, an alpha desperate after the long absence of his mate. The only thing keeping his restraint was Nikita, his innocent laughter willing Eustass to behave.

Thatcher's head immediately snapped up to look at his lover, his sapphire blue eyes shocked and hurt. Is this what would happen if they ever had a little brat? Eustass wouldn't even want to spend alone time with him when he got home?
He let out an impatient huff, folding his arms across his chest.
"Not like I was trying to fuck you right here on the couch." He muttered softly after looking to make sure Nikita's ears were still covered.
"Might as well have been." Vitaly snorted.
"You know what? This is why I'm not popping out any damn brats. Do you just never have any fun anymore? Screw that." Thatcher was typically all smiles, especially after just arriving home. But he was understandably irritable at having all Eustass's attention stolen away by a child that wasn't even theirs.
Thatcher didn't even notice as Vitaly cringed at his words, glancing up at Eustass, worried for the man's reaction. Vitaly was the only one who knew just how desperately Eustass wanted a child of his own.

Eustass had been edging on distraught the moment Thatcher turned his hurt ocean eyes towards the alpha. No one but Thatch had such an effect on the alpha.  Even with Trafalgar the man had never been so quick to feel guilty for causing sadness. His soldier had always been set apart, evoking emotions that were new to Eustass, more powerful than anything he'd ever felt before.  Even as his lover huffed, the alpha was rubbing comforting circles into the man's shoulders, entierly unprepared for his mates next harsh statement.
The words were akin to a physical lashing, abruptly stopping all movement and leaving the werewolf rigid where he sat.  For a moment he saw nothing but Thatcher, the offending words taking root in his heart so deeply it left the alpha breathless. He nearly gasped, or maybe it was more of a whimper- Eustass swallowed it harshly. He couldn't be sure, so overwhelmed by the ache in his chest that he felt broken to the point of paralysis. Vitaly's flickering gaze is what brought him back, embarrassment urging the alpha to abruptly steal away from Thatcher. Eustass left the soldier with a muttered excuse, unable to so much as glance at Nikita as he escaped up to his room. The beautiful boy teased him in these moments, the child he'd never have. There was no peace to be found in the quiet darkness, leaving his lovers presence  did nothing to diminish the sting of Thatcher's words. They followed him, echoing mercilessly and forcing Eustass to face the aching truth of his life. Trafalgar hadn't wanted children with him and more importantly, neither did Thatcher. He wasn't meant to be a father.
And it was probably for the best, Eustass knew.  But this knowledge did nothing to lessen the hurt.

Thatcher could only frown as Eustass left. He was a bit confused, truly. What the hell had he said that was so bad Eustass had to go mope off like that?
"What?" He spoke defensively as he saw the glare Vitaly was burning him with. "What did I say?"
"Go get him." Vitaly commanded, pointing off in the direction Eustass had gone. "You go or I will."
Thatcher was about to argue but finally he stood, storming off in the direction Eustass had gone, muttering under his breath all the way.
He found him in the hallway upstairs, the same hallway where they'd first kissed.
"What's your problem, shithead?" Thatcher grunted, clearly still irritated but trying to be teasing about it, truly wanting to make sure the man wasn't upset with him.

Vitaly sighed when Thatcher left, finally taking his hands off of Nikita's ears.
"He really wants kids. Eustass." Vitaly informed Bellamy softly, seeing the questioning look the soldier wore. "Really badly. Probably devastated right now."

Eustass could feel his mate approaching, his instincts as alpha immediately urging him to straighten his shoulders, knuckles coming to roughly clear the sting from his eyes in preparation of his beta's arrival.  He would not be seen as weak, not even by his soldier. 
"Leave me, Thatcher."
The words were a sharp command, slicing through the air just as Thatcher reached him.  The man's attempt at teasing did nothing to settle Eustass, at this point the words only added a fresh ache to his already open wounds. "I need some time alone." He never turned to actually face his lover, not because he worried Thatcher would know his hurt, but because if he gazed at his lover now he may break in a way that would never mend.

"Ah."  Bellamy took the news mildly, much more concerned for Thatcher's wellbeing.  He and Eustass had never been particularly close, a condition of the deep rooted belief that the alpha was cruel and unpredictable.   Each time he'd seen the man growing up had always been under strained circumstances.  If Thatcher had not been in such dire shape that day so long ago, Bellamy would never have bothered the alpha. 
"Well I hate that for him I guess, but you can't very well be angry at Thatcher.  He doesn't know any better."  If Eustass had ever mentioned children the soldier was certain that he'd be the first to hear about it. Bellamy knew that Thatcher wouldn't take such news with grace.  His friend seemed as though he may panic at the very thought.

"You've had some alone time for the past six fucking months, Eustass." Thatcher grunted roughly at first as he reached out to grab his lover's shoulder, turning the man to face him. Then his eyes and voice softened, gently taking the man's face in his hands. "None of that alone time bullshit now. I'm here and you have to talk to me. I'm sorry I snapped, okay?" He apologized softly. "I was just pissed because I miss you and you got to see Nikky the whole time I was gone. I was being a prick, I know. I just didn't think you'd get all mad at me." He sighed softly, leaning in to press a kiss to the man's forehead. "I'm sorry, again. I just miss you, okay?" He was unaware that there was something more wrong than that he'd snapped. What else could it be?

"You don't get it, Bell. I just... He's always saying how he'd be a terrible father. I spend the whole time you guys are gone trying to convince him that he could be a great dad, that he just has to ask Thatcher. I thought I might be working him up to it. But now..." He sighed. "Thatcher just damn blurted that out and I know he probably didn't think anything of it but I can only imagine how it made Eustass feel."

Eustass had no choice but to submit when faced with his mates love, the wolf in him desperately aching for contact. This time though, the alpha found no comfort in Thatcher's touch. He was a brute of a man, known for being harsh and controlled. It was only ever his soldier who had the power to drop Eustass to his knees. It felt as though Thatcher was trying to do that now, speaking in soothing tongues despite how he'd completely misjudged Eustass's hurt.
"I missed you too, Taylor. " He had missed Thatcher, that was akin to a fact of life. His words came lamely though, heavy with loss as the alpha struggled to accept that he'd never have a child to love while his mate was away. It would only ever be himself, alone in their home until Thatcher's return. Sure, for now he had Vitaly and Nikita but for how long? Nikky would grow up one day and they would no longer need Eustass there.
The alpha struggled with this, having come to dread the long months alone. He should be enjoying every second of his mates home coming but instead he could hardly hold Thatcher's gaze.
"And besides, I'm not even mad. I just wanted to steal you away for a while. " The lie tasted sour and heavy in his mouth but he spoke it nonetheless, now more than ever determined that it would only hurt their relationship to mention his want of a child. To drive the words home Eustass found himself sweeping Thatcher into his arms, carrying the man like a bride back into their bedroom. His wolf could handle the intimacy despite the dull ache in his chest, enough to at least cover his hurt. If Thatcher hadn't noticed yet he wouldn't later. Eustass had decided to let it go. Maybe he would hurt less that way.

Bellamy considered this, his gaze having fallen to rest on Nikita. He could definitely empathize with Eustass, and for his mate he wanted to, but there was a bigger part of him that thought of Thatcher's situation.
"I'm sure he is hurting, but now at least he knows where they stand on the kid thing." The soldier knew better than to say so, but he preferred the alpha didn't ask such a question. Thatcher loved him too much. He'd try to make Eustass happy at the price of his own wants in life. Bellamy wouldn't stand for that.
"Now he has a chance to move on."

"Damnit Eustass, don't lie to me." Thatcher sighed heavily as he was laid on the bed, sitting up and pulling himself onto the man's lap just so he wouldn't be able to escape. "As much as I'd love to believe you just ran out here to get us some alone time, I know that's bullshit. I know you well enough to know when you're upset. I just don't know what I did..." Thatcher paused, running a hand through his dirty blonde locks as he tried to go through everything he'd said. "Is it because I called Nikky a brat? You know I don't mean that, I love the kid. I'm just jealous of him." He sighed, leaning into his lover's chest as he tried to calm the man. "Don't make me give you one of my long inspirational speeches again. It's been a while since you've had to sit through one of those."

"Why should he have to move on?" Vitaly frowned as he watched Nikky sit in his father's lap, tiredly leaning into the man's chest. "If one of them wants kids and one doesn't, why should Eustass automatically have to give up what he wants. They could at least talk about it." Vitaly grumbled softly. Just like Bellamy wanted to defend Thatcher, Vitaly needed to do the same for Eustass.

"Hell Taylor, I missed you and all but I could still do without one of your inspiring ballads."  With his mate so close Eustass had a chance to forget the ache in his heart, the love swelling there leaving no room for sorrow.  At least I have this, the alpha reminded himself silently, his gaze steady and warm on Thatcher's face. No matter what I can't have, no one can't take Thatcher from me. 
As long as he had his mate, he had everything.  
"I get that you were just jealous-ya, im not someone who's feelings are easily hurt." The alpha took a moment to simply admire the gentle curve of Thatcher's cheek, how his golden hair fell into a perfect frame around his face.  
"You have no reason to be jealous though, cry baby. Nikita is sweet and wonderful and I love him but he's Vitaly's brat and you're mine." Eustass propped himself up upon strong elbows, his nose softly caressing along his mates jawline. Here he inhaled deeply, savoring their closeness after such a time spent apart.  "You are the only baby i'll ever have.  That makes you special, I guess. Even if you are a jealous teenager." The alpha betrayed his teasing tone with a tender kiss, hoping this would be enough to ease his mates worry, not yet prepared to share the source of his hurt. 

"Hey, hey, im not trying to fight with you sweetheart."  Bellamy was immediately working to soothe his mate, reaching to tenderly capture one of Vitaly's hands.  He always tried to avoid conflict, but on his short leaves home Bellamy almost refused to take part in a fight with his lover.  They only had so much time together, and the soldier would much rather spend that time under the warmth of Vitaly's smile rather than the Russian's grumbling scowl. "Im home and im thankful that me and you never had to suffer through anything like this.  I'm sorry for Eustass, alright?  Believe me, I know what its like to want kids."  The mans gaze flicked down to the exhausted toddler in his arms, lips brushing a grateful kiss across the boys forehead. "This isn't our fight to have. But Nikky here?  He's all ours, and thats because you loved me enough to give him a chance. We already have our happy ending. Lets just take a moment and appreciate how precious this is." The mans words died off as he found Vitaly's lips for a loving kiss, nothing so graphic that it would imprint on Nikita but still a promise that they would have their time later.

Thatcher was almost distracted enough to forget that there was obviously something else bothering his lover. But not quite. He let himself bask in the warmth of Eustass's attention for a moment longer before shaking his head.
"Oh you're asking for the speech now, aren't ya? You didn't answer me babe. I know something else is wrong so you might as well tell me before I get started. You know I can talk for hours." He gave a sly grin, trying to keep the conversation lighthearted while still trying to actually get to the bottom of this issue. "So tell me, alpha man, what's wrong? Or you can listen to me ramble about all the reasons why you should tell me and then tell me anyways."

Vitaly could not pout any longer, returning the kiss gently before smiling at his lover.
"You can never let me be upset, can you?" He smirked. "I wasn't mad at you, just Thatcher I guess. I know it's not his fault because he didn't know about Eustass's feelings but I feel like... he should know. It's his job to know everything about Eustass like I know everything about you. I shouldn't know him better than his own beta and boyfriend." He sighed.

The alpha's stomach churned as his mate brought the hurt back to life, his questions sending a new wave of unrest as he returned to their harsh reality. The words were back, ricocheting off the thin walls of Eustass's heart.  Despite having a different ring to them, they still reminded the werewolf of earlier rejections; Trafalgar's decree that he wouldnt condemn a child to the trauma of having Eustass as a father, the tiny newborn onesie folded away in a box beneath the bed they lay on.  
It was too much for the alpha to bare.
"I don't want to have this conversation right now, Thatch. Im asking you to drop it." His tone was one of an alpha, steady and demanding his beta bend to his will.  It was rare that Eustass pulled rank, but it was the only way out this conversation without letting Thatcher feel responsible for his grief. 

"I understand what you're saying." Bellamy had shifted in order to give Nikita more room, his arms tight and warm as he rocked the boy. "And you're probably right about that.  But I don't think Thatcher wants to acknowledge the problem, even if he sees the signs. He's never wanted kids. Not even back when we were still in basic training and he was listening to me go on about it. I respect him for that.  Eustass might have to do the same."  The soldier was able to say such a thing because despite his own desire for children, he had been willing to set that aside in order to give Vitaly a chance to decide what he wanted. "Sometimes love demands sacrifice.  Not always but in some cases, because right now I can't imagine alpha man talking him into an eighteen year commitment, one that moves and breathes and demands attention." The thought was almost laughable.

Thatcher bared his teeth as his lover pulled the alpha card. It was physically difficult for him to continue prying but he was determined. Especially now that he knew it was something serious enough that Eustass was willing to command him to leave it alone.
"Don't pull the alpha shit." He grunted softly. "What could be so bad that you can't tell me? I thought we told each other everything, Eustass."

"I hope for Eustass's sake that maybe Thatcher... can reconsider." Vitaly sighed softly, moving so that he was curled up next to his soldier, his head on the man's chest, right beside their son's, who had now drifted off into a sound sleep. "I love you, you know? And I'm glad we're always on the same page." He murmured as he stroked the boy's hair, smiling softly.

"Not today, Thatcher. Im done discussing it-ya."  The alpha's jaw had locked in his distress, hiding such feelings with a face of harsh authority. His words had carried with them the weight of Eustass's power as alpha, commanding his beta to obey. Demands were rare when it came to Thatcher, only ever arising when it seemed Eustass was edging on anger. He needed time to mourn children he'd never have and the one that was taken from him. Thatcher wouldn't understand this pain, and if anything his presence was making it worse. Looking into the blue depth of his mates eyes the alpha was reminded of the nights he'd spent alone in this bed, wondering where Thatcher was sleeping half a world away, dreaming of blue eyed babies with bright red hair in order to get himself through the days. Eustass wouldn't be able to picture them anymore, knowing now that they were a hopeless fantasy. 
He just needed time to accept it. 

"Even if we weren't on the same page, it wouldn't matter."  Bellamy was watching as his lover brushed gentle fingers through Nikita's hair, his heart swelling to the point of making his chest ache. "I love you no matter what.  You and Nikky are my little Russian dolls."  Vitaly had accepted his wanting children, always trying so hard to make him happy.  In turn Bellamy was prepared to break necks in order to satiate his mate. "It wont be long before Nikita's ready for bed. If you want, im certain my parents or Breccan wouldn't mind watching him while I take you out to dinner."  The soldier had thought often of what he'd do with his lover when they were finally reunited, hating to think of Vitaly always home alone while he was off on duty. Tonight he would finally have the chance to make up for lost time.

Thatcher's face was merely blank for a second, emotionless. And then he was standing, turning around before his lover would be able to see the hurt in his eyes.
"Fine. If you want to be a fucking prick and treat me like your beta instead of your lover, I'll just be your beta until you can grow some balls and tell me what the hell your problem is." He was storming back down the hall then, angrily calling back behind him. "God forbid I care about you and want to help." He was back downstairs then, not even glancing at Bellamy and Vitaly as he sat back on the couch, pouting and throwing a small tantrum like Nikita might.

"Dinner sounds lovely, soldier." Vitaly purred softly, kissing his lover's cheek as Thatcher came stomping into the room. The Russian glanced up at him, trying to assess just what had gone down. Surely Thatcher wouldn't be angry if Eustass had told him he wanted children.... unless the man had tried to hide his hurt by being a prick, which was very likely. "Everything alright?"
"Not even a little." Thatcher grunted softly, trying to keep his voice quiet now that he noticed Nikita was asleep.

Eustass was not surprised when his mate responded by leaving him, but as Thatcher's angry footsteps faded down the hallway the alpha found himself being overwhelmed by a sharp ache to the right side of his chest.  His wolf was tormented feeling its mates anger, starving for Thatcher's lover after their months spent apart.  It urged Eustass to follow, do anything he could to bask in the warmth of Thatcher's smile.
The alpha couldn't move though, exhausted to the point of paralysis at his current situation.  Not only had he fucked up his mates time home, but he was also being forced to accept that he'd never father a child to carry on his pack.  After he was gone, there would be nothing of true value to prove that he ever lived. 


Bellamy took a moment to merely gaze at his friend, taking in the rigid movements and short responses, knowing with protective tightness in his chest that the alpha had done something to hurt Thatcher.  Carefully the soldier settled Nikita against his mothers chest, leaving Vitaly with a kiss to the temple before making his way over to join Thatcher on the couch. He didn't speak, but instead reached out to pull the soldier into his arms.  He understood that sometimes that was needed, and other times it would take more to achieve a genuine Thatcher smile.
"Listen Thatch-man, I don't know what big red said to you but he can go fuck himself.  Its our vacation time, we can't spend it with you miserable and huffing on the couch."

"I just... he won't tell me what's fucking wrong. I get that he's all big and bad and can't show emotion but I thought he was over that with me. He always tells me shit and lets me fix it. But he won't this time and how the hell can I fix it if he won't tell me? I have to fix it, Bell." Thatcher groaned softly, letting himself lean his head on Bellamy's shoulder and try and relax. Bellamy was right, it was his home time. He shouldn't be fighting with his lover. "The only way I can get him to cave is if I ignore him. He can't go without me for too long." He smiled softly, though then groaned when he realized that this had backfired. He just missed the man even more now.

Thatcher had been right, Eustass could never manage to stay away. Even just hours after Bellamy and Vitaly had left the alpha was already crawling into bed with his soldier, determined to bask in his lovers presence despite their current rift in communication. With grief still heavy in his heart, Eustass clung to his mate like never before.  Thatcher could not so much as shower without the alpha's constant grip on his hips. He would not speak though, content to hold Thatcher in silence instead of trying to spur some response.  This went on for days, only accumulating to its end after Eustass had swallowed down his hurt. Thatcher was sprawled upon his chest, cheek resting against the steady source of the alpha's heartbeat.  Eustass knew him to be awake, could feel every one of his mates emotions intimately.  They distracted from his own. In the darkness of their room, just before light was breaking through the window, Eustass finally spoke up.
"Would it really be so awful to bare my children?" 
His voice came soft and hesitantly, conscious that Thatcher's answer would most likely break his heart. Eustass asked anyways, fingers tightening desperately  around his mate to brace himself for what was to come.

"What?" Thatcher blinked several times as the man's words settled in and he ran them through his brain a few times. He had asked if it would be so awful to bare his children... where the hell did that come from? When had he said it would be awful to-
Oh.
That's what had been wrong this whole time. It was coming back to him now, the stupid comment he'd made because he was frustrated he couldn't cop a feel. That's what had Eustass so upset?
"Okay so first of all, I said that I'm never popping out any damn brats. I didn't say it was just your brats. Second, you never talked to me about kids before, Eustass. How was I supposed to know you wanted them? You never said anything so I assumed you were on the same page." He paused then, deciding on how to voice his opinions on having children. "It wouldn't be so bad to bare your children, I just... I've never seen myself as a mother or father. It's not you Eustass, it's me. You saw me down there the other day, you've seen me around Nikky before. I'm just not... motherly. I'll fuck up, I'll hurt the kid or mess it up somehow. That's why I said that. And when I said it, Eustass... it wasn't set in stone, Jesus. I was pissed off and saying shit."

Eustass accepted the words with a calm stare, his gaze piercing as he weighed what was said in his mind. The alpha seemed to be looking through his lover, determined to sort deception from honesty.  He understood that his mate loved him to the extent of lies.  Thatcher would soften his truth to save Eustass any unnecessary pain.
"Think about it then, and get back to me when you've decided."  There was no accusation in the gentle tone, only understanding and acceptance glinting in green eyes.  
"I want children someday, but i've decided that I can live without them. I have you. That is more than enough."

"You know, you could have told me this before getting all pissed off that I disagreed." Thatcher sighed softly, lying back on his lover's chest as he allowed himself to think things over. Really, he already knew his answer. Of course he'd bare Eustass's children if that's what he truly wanted. But was it? Did Eustass realize just how terrible of a parent Thatcher would be? He had to understand all of this before they could make such a commitment. "I know you'd be a fucking great dad. You already are to Nikky half of the time. But are you really prepared to be a single parent while I'm away? And even when I'm here... shit, you know I'm not good at this, Eustass." He could never see himself being a parent at all, but especially not a mother. He simply didn't have that maternal instinct about him.

"Its not that you disagreed, Thatch.  I just know you."  Eustass had never thought himself as an understanding person but for the love of his mate he now takes the time to see things differently. He takes Thatcher's happiness into consideration.
"I get that you don't hate kids but you don't want the responsibility of raising one either. In your line of work being a mother isn't ideal." Strong fingers made a gentle arch across Thatcher's forehead, brushing away golden strands of hair that had fallen to hide the soldiers face.  Eustass needed to see his mate, gaze into ocean blue depths and be certain Thatcher wasn't feeling cornered by his want of children. He would not bring undesired babies into the world, it would not be fair to any of them but Thatcher especially. 
"Im not pushing you into being a mother. I was just telling you what you wanted to know, because I couldnt stand another moment of your damned pouting silence. You never told me no, but I've decided to let it go. I have you, and that is more than enough." There was only truth to be found in the alpha's gaze. He was happy with what he had, it was more than he'd ever expected to be  blessed with.
"I just want to enjoy the rest of your time here, before Uncle Sam takes you back."

"That sounds like a good idea to me, this whole thing started just because I wanted alone time with you." Thatcher smirked softly, dropping a kiss into the man's mess of ginger hair. God, he loved it. There would never be the words to properly describe how much he adored this man beside him. His lover, his alpha, his home.
"But really, you know... I wouldn't mind having them some day if it's important to you. Just hadn't thought about it. I love you big guy, you'd be one hell of a daddy." He smiled softly at the thought of how Eustass was with little kids. And truly, a little baby with fiery red hair wouldn't be so bad, would it?