This is really rushed but I wanted to cheer you up so here it is hehe
I love you and I hope you enjoy this mess.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"Soh what are ya trying ta say? Ave ya been cheatin on me? With him?" The Scotsman sounded the words out, shaping each syllable as a new and foreign thing, impossible to grasp. Cameron said he wanted to talk, that was fine but Rhett had not been prepared for this. He'd never be prepared for this.
"No Rhett! I haven't been cheating on you, I wouldnt do that..." Cameron was reeling, speaking false tongue in a vain attempt to minimize the hurt he was causing to a man who'd loved him all his life. Had he cheated? He truly wasnt certain what to call it but there hadnt been much choice. He'd adapted to the hell he was in, and somehow even managed to find happiness there.
"I am leaving you though." It was best to go ahead and finish things. To wait any longer would be cruel. He was already seven months along. It would be impossible to go after Rhett had actually held the baby. "And honestly im not sure why you'd still want me." He'd openly fallen in love with a man who'd kidnapped him and brutalized Britt before his very eyes. He was damaged goods.
And yet Rhett still looked at him like fine ivory.
"Ah....Ah love you so much et hurts."
A rush of breath left Cameron, a deep and aching sigh. His mouth was working to form words, but before anything intelligible left his lips the scotsman was shushing him, warm and callused hand rising just enough to cut cameron off.
"Noh, ya didn't hear meh- or ya didnt understand. Loving you hurts....It hurts to love you. At least as much as I do." His voice died off into silence, leaving nothing but the sounds of his trembling breath and Cameron's sharp gasp of guilt.
"Ah would live through the hurt, because loving you is worth that. Because by loving you all the golden days ah received would outweigh any of tha bad. Hell, being with you was like being twenty years old again." There was no divorce to remember. Just me and you, anything we wanted to do." That was over now. Cameron was leaving and his bags were already packed, sitting by the door and reminding Rhett every second of what he was losing. "But the thing about meh es that ah love ya enough ta let ya go if it'll make you happier." Rhett had expected the words to sound hollow in his grief, but instead his voice remained steady. It seemed as though no matter their relationship, he would always fall on the side of Cameron's happiness even over his own. But what they had was not easily lost....All the burning burrowed into his chest could not be quelled. If Cameron was going to go, the Scotsman at least wanted him to know what he was leaving behind.
Green eyes burned as Rhett stepped forward, reaching hesitantly out to touch his lover for the first time since Cameroon had began their damn downfall. His fingertips were tender when they brushed the boys face. "Ah want ya ta know what yar giving up, Cameron. This Kirk man es handsome and somehow charming, but ah bet he doesnt know how many freckles ya have on yar face." His thumb brushed across the expanse of one fine cheek, slowly and deliberately, as though connecting the dots. "I know em by place. I could draw a map, show you one by one. Yar an artist, but yar also art. You have six on yar nose. One on yar chin and exactly ten on each cheek, but thats only if ya dont count the tiny one thats hiding just next to yar right ear." The scotsman had drawn closer, his other hand settled on Cameron's hip as he gazed into depths of blue. The words he spoke poured forth without thought. It was the easiest thing in the word to talk about how much he loved this boy.
It had been easy.
But now Rhett felt almost as though this was the last time. He would stand here and bleed his love for Cameron until it was gone-
Until he was gone.
"When ya sleep, no matter what ya somehow manage to wiggle yar way onto my chest. I cant move much but I can feel ya breathing against my neck. Your breath takes on a certain patter when your finally asleep, thats how I know. Its the same each time. You can count it to the little beats in a song I heard once." Rhett had never spoken of these things before. They were his little treasures-
Or at least they had been. Rhett supposed they would belong to Kirk now. The bastard was stealing his entire life away.
" Ya have scars on yar thighs. High up, and by yar own hand. I know that because of how precise every scar landed. Your hands are always steady. I like to- I used to like tracing those scars, coming up with a little list in my heard of all the things I could do to make you feel like ya never have ta do that again." In realty he'd written a list of all the things he could do, rubber bands and strange craft projects, art supplies he didnt even understand how to use. It was all packed together in a small box, along with a note he'd written at the time. There was one in his bathroom, under the sink where he kept is razors. And another in the bottom drawer of cameron's room. He'd placed it there himself after finally locating the boys stash.
"I love you so much that I pray I am the wrong choice. He has t be right for you, because you're choosing him over me and I need that to be worth something. You're leaving and im not just losing you. My baby is going with you."
Cameron jerked then, his voice gentle as he interjected-
"I dont think its yours Rhett, you know that! I...We havent....Not since I was abducted. When I found out, Kirk was the last man id been with."
The boy never finished. The way Rhett's eyes caught was like a physical blow. Cameron staggered back, impacted by all the fierce hurt he'd evoked in a man he claimed to love. Rhett wouldnt release him that easily though, his fingers closing careful but firm around the boys wrists in order to tug him back. He wasnt satisfied until Cameron was bristling against his chest, close enough for Rhett to fully take the boy into his arms.
"Don't you tell me that baby isnt mine, Cameron." His voice was heavy with finality. He would accept that the boy was leaving, he had to. But no one would deny his bond with that child. "Ive loved it ever since you found out, even when I knew it wasnt biologically mine. I was touching you when it first kicked, and ah read it cove's old baby book every night. Ah wake up and ah just rub yar tummy because im so enthralled to be ah daddy again-
ah was, so enthralled. But yar taking my kid and I can already imagine that i'll only be seeing you both in passing. Kirk will have one arm around you and one around my kid. I dont want to hurt you though. And ah wont hurt that baby, so ah wont try to force myself into its life. I have a kid. And he is mine, all mine. No one can take him from me. Kyndal tried. But not even he was that far gone. Im a damn good father. And I was a damn good lover to ya. But ah guess I understand that ya just...Ya love him more somehow. Ah wont say its okay because fer me its not. Bu for you....I hope he's what you're looking for." Cameron had given up, anguished by the situation he'd fallen into. The boy was left sagging against Rhett's chest, worn by the stress of having to choose between the two greatest loves of his life. He wondered how this happened to him, so consumed by the thoughts that he almost missed the gentle brush of lips against his forehead. He could feel Rhett's stubble scraping his face, filling him with the familiar sensation of being safe and coddled. He may never have that again after tonight.
The reality was enough to draw tears of grief, welling them in blue eyes and sending salty streaks down the boys cheeks. Rhett was still holding him, one hand gently guiding his gaze to meet the barely restrained grief etched into the scotsman's face. Cameron had started every morning by kissing that face.
"I need something from you. If this is real, and you are leaving me....Ah need a clean break. I can't have any ideas about us ever having a future. You gotta forget me. I dont mean forget that I have been so influential in your life. I'll be still be whatever I was before if you need me to, but forget all the special things." It wasnt Cameron's to know anymore how his hair brightened under the sunlight or the way his skin felt after making love. The boy couldnt remember how he sometimes coughs or chokes a bit when he laughs or the way his voice softens for only his most special people. That was only for the person who could love him as he deserved to be loved.
"Forget you that you ever loved me. And thats it."
That was it-The end. Cameron took his bags and Kirk drove up to get him, just another sharp and sudden slap to the scotsman's face. Rhett watched with broad quivering shoulders as the love of his life loaded into the passenger seat of his captors car, leaving and taking half of the scotsman's heart with him.
With one last fleeting glance at the vehicle fading from sight, Rhett pulled the tiny diamond ring from his pocket. For a soul stealing moment the man merely fiddled with the shining band, twisting it in his fingers longingly before suddenly the feelings were suffocating him. It took all the strength Rhett possessed to turn and fling the expensive token out into the road, waiting with baited breath until a car finally rolled past and ran the diamond over. He had to let go, there was no other choice.
There was no reason to keep the ring anymore.
