Let's Get Lost

"Yeah? You're a nosy bastard." Britt muttered lightly as he lit himself a cigarette. He hadn't had a drink yet tonight and that was probably why he found himself in a decent mood. Smoking always relaxed him, brought out the real Britt, the one underneath all of the sarcastic comments and the flirting. It was why he allowed himself to speak openly to his lover. "Well what do you want to know?" He arched an eyebrow as he took a drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke into the man's face.

Sawyer grunted in irritation at the smoke in his face, but he was so delighted that Britt had finally given in and decided to talk to him that the young wolf wound up grinning and in haling the fumes anyways.
"Tell me about your family. Why don't you ever talk about them? And how come you alwayth bruth me off when I athk about them?" Sawyer wasnt wasting anytime. This could be his only chance.

"You won't let that go, will you?" Britt gave a roll of his eyes, but instead of brushing it off like usual, he leaned back into Sawyer's chest and spoke again. "I don't talk about them because they fucking suck. I mean, mom was kind of a slut. She was gone like every night, screwing guys. I’m pretty sure she was addicted to some shit too.” He shrugged as if it were nothing. “But the point is she kind of never liked dad but he knocked her up so she was stuck with him because she couldn’t afford to raise me on her own. Dad was like hot shit or something when they met. But then he turned into an old drunk once they got married and had me. And then he wasn’t hot anymore so she stopped putting out and started sleeping around instead. And that pissed dad off but he didn’t want to leave her. So he’d get drunk and beat the shit out of me whenever she left.” Britt sighed lightly, merely sounding exhausted as he spoke, not like someone who had lived for eighteen years in an abusive home. "They're just pretty shitty and you and your family are all so close and cute and shit that I didn't feel like telling you about how pathetic my family was in comparison."

An uncomfortable silence fell over them after Britt finished. Sawyer's mouth had opened several times now, but no words were coming out. Someone had hurt his lover? For years. Britt had been beat on.
The beer in Sawyer's hands trembled with his rage.
"Britt....All I can thay ith that im fucking thorry I even athked." It made his chest constrict painfully to think about it, and now his stomach was curling with guilt because of how he'd made the boy go and make nice with his family...
"It fucking pitheth me off!" His lisp was much more pronounced in his anger. "Damnit....How in the hell...."
Britt was so damn precious, and sure he had a big mouth but how could anyone hurt him in such away?
How could anyone not want him.
"But it'th okay now, you've got me. I'll fucking kill for you, Brittany." Sawyer wrapped an arm tightly around the boys shoulders, pulling him closer so he could press a kiss just under his ear.

"Yeah I know it's okay." Britt smirked lightly. "I got the hell out of there when I turned eighteen. Found Ajax, got a job. It's not a big deal and I didn't want to tell you cause I knew your ass would make it a big deal." He nudged the man lightly. "Now tell me something about you that'll make me feel less shitty."

"Uh, thomething about me? Like thomething bad or embarrathing?" Sawyer arched a eyebrow at the boy. He'd hardly heard what Britt had been saying, his mind still reeling from the new information. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for the boy. He'd only ever been hit by his parents twice, and while the physical pain wasnt so much an issue, it had really fucking hurt.
The young wolf turned, so he was able to wrap Britt up in his arms. He felt the intense need to hold to the boy, his finger twitching with the want to protect him.

Britt allowed himself to curl into Sawyer's chest, looking down at him with a small smile.
"I don't know... is your life so perfect that you don't have any secrets or some shit?" He groaned lightly, pressing his face into the crook of Sawyer's neck. Sawyer's family seemed so perfect, so happy, he was envious of it, really.

"My life....You think ith perfect now juth becauthe im with you.  Im fucking tho happy I dont let thit get to me anymore."  Being with Britt had made his life perfect.  But before him....Before this happiness....
"Britt, you know my dad.  You know he drinkth.  Mom thmoketh.  I alwayth thmelled like thigarette thmoke tho badly that by the time I wath eleven, moth people thought I wath the one thmoking.  That had been embarrathing at one time."  Sawyer sighed softly as he thought of his life, what it had been.  "My parenth fought all the damn time.  And you could never tell when it was coming.  I mean thure, sometimes I could see dad was drunk and fucking aggrethive or mom wath juth in a fucking foul mood and looking for thomeone to take it out on.  Thothe were eathy.  I knew to go get Thinclair and head to my room. Lock the door.  Turn the muthic up even though we could thill hear them.  I'd try to keep Thinclair calm but he alwayth fell to pieceth.  Thometimes I could get his mind off of it by reading him comicth or pretending the floor wath lava.  But the other timeth, when he was lothing it tho damn bad and they were thill in the other room thcreaming....Id go and try to make them thop.  Thometimes it worked, thometimes they'd thend my ath back to the room."  The young wolf's chest tightened at the thought of it.  He took a moment to gather himself and take another swig of his beer before continuing.  "I wath a really good kid until I wath like, eleven.  And then I got lonely.  I wanted to thpend time with my dad.  I thought he was tho fucking cool.  But a lot of the time he'd be drinking or drunk.  And when he wath thober...thometimes it was Thein, or mom, pack memberth he wath friendth with.  The point ith, dad alwayth theemed too busy to be bothered.  And I didnt want to beg and look like a brat.  Tho I tharted finding wayth to get hith attention.  I had alwayth wanted to be the alpha, so I tharted by picking fights with Parker and Ouija until I worked my way up to Jesse.  Ever thince ive been like, ten ive been telling him that I wath gonna be alpha one day.  At twelve I tharted trying to fight with him.  I got right with thein a few timeth becauthe that alwayth got under dadth thkin.  I thole momth thigarette'th, broke into Dadth booze cabinet.  And I liked that they would thit me down and talk to me, maybe thay with me the entire day wanting me too realize I was wrong..."  Sawyer shook his head as he thought about it now.  He really had been pathetic.  "After a while though, I gueth they realized the punithmenth werent working.  They thopped trying to talk to me or even deal with me after a while.  Dad would juth thake his head, all fucking dithappointed and leave. Or mom would roll hith eyeth, tell me how id fucked up, why  I thouldnt have done tho, and then he'd tell me to go to my room or thome thit. I juth tharted leaving the houthe after that. I mean, why not?  If I wath home no one wanted to be around me athide from Thinclair.  And onthe he got friendly with Thein, that  wath all over.  I tharted drinking a lot, thmoking a lot, having thex with people whothe nameth I didnt even know.  I wath thpiraling out of control when you found me.... I gueth you kinda thaved me, really.  My life ith tho damn great now that I havent even thought about that any of that bad thit.  Im nithe to my family now becauthe I dont crave their attention.  I have yourth.  Ath long ath I have you....Damn...Ath long ath I have you I have everything."  Sawyer leaned down slowly, his lips gently brushing over Britts as he spoke. "I fucking love you.  And im a better man for it. Happier.  You thaid so yourthelf, my life ith perfect.  You made it that way."  It was the first time he'd been able to actually say he loved Britt.  He'd thought it several times, but there had always been something holding him back....

Britt listened to Sawyer's story, feeling quite overcome with affection for the other man. He simply hugged him the whole time, letting the man know he was listening by gently tapping a finger against his bicep. And then Sawyer had said the L word.
Sawyer loved him? He had changed the boy's life? That was a hell of a lot of pressure on him. He hadn't meant to get in so deep. Of course, he loved the boy too but he had not even admitted that to himself yet.
And so he pretended he hadn't heard it, keeping his face hidden in Sawyer's neck as he internally panicked at the committed relationship he'd gotten himself into.
"I guess I'm glad I made you not such a prick." And just like that, his sarcastic banter was back, trying to pretend they hadn't just opened up to each other.

"Uh..." Sawyer sat quietly, with baited breath as he hoped for the boy to continue. Time drug on, and on, and that was all Britt said to him.
"I guess I'm glad I made you not such a prick."
"I-Ith that all?" Even Sawyer had to admit, he sounded pathetic. But he couldn't help himself. His insides had tightened to the point that the young wold was left aching. He could feel his heart beating anywhere but in his temples. It was as though time stopped.
Britt didn't love him back?
And he had just spilled his heart out like a teenage girl. And then'd fucking backed it up by finlly saying...
The L word.
He should've known better.
"You know what? Forget it. Forget all that thupid thit I juth thaid." He wasn't about to sit here like a fool and have his heart broken.
Not even by Britt.
Except he was. And thats why he was so damned angry now. His fucking heart was busted.

Britt didn't know what to say. He sat up, snatching a beer and downing about half of it before even acknowledging Sawyer again. He needed to numb what he was feeling somehow. Beer wasn't even close to strong enough, but it was all he had for now.
"I just thought we were talking... I didn't know you were going to get all fucking serious on me." It was making his head spin. He was not ready for this kind of commitment. He hadn't meant to let it get this far, he hadn't realized how hard Sawyer had already fallen. Hell, he hadn't realized how hard he had already fallen. And now it was too late to back out.

"What you juth told me wath serious!" Sawyer snapped at the boy, his eyebrows drawn in hurt. "We both know you don't juth go telling every fucking body about your damned home life! And the fuck if i've ever juth that my ath down with thomeone and laid my thit out like that!" Sawyer didn't even remember telling Cameron or Vince he'd loved them.
This was the first time...
And Britt completely tried to brush him off.
The young wolf felt tears pricking his eyes. He was embarrassed. Ashamed.
He was fucking pissed.
"Juth fucking thut the fuck up about it, alright? Fuck talking to you about it anymore! Fuck you in general, Brittany."

"Well fuck you too." Britt snapped back at the man. "I fucking told you I wasn't used to this shit, I told you it was new for me, the whole boyfriend thing. I fucking told you!" He shoved a hand into the man's chest roughly. "You obviously don't give a shit about me because you haven't stopped for a second to think about what the hell I'm feeling. I thought you knew me well enough to know I'm fucking uncomfortable with emotions but apparently not! I tell you I'm nervous about even being your boyfriend and then you decide to fucking throw all this shit at me about love and me making you a better man and it fucking scared the shit out of me! I didn't know what to fucking say so I just shut my mouth and now you decide to throw a fucking temper tantrum because I hurt your feelings. Well I'm fucking sorry, Sawyer, I can't respond if I don't know what the hell I feel! Haven't you ever heard of taking it fucking slow!? What are you going to do next, propose to my tomorrow?! Jesus fucking Christ I need a drink." He finished off by cursing under his breath, standing and moving away from the other man to calm himself.

Sawyer, for the first time in his life, had nothing to say. And even more than that, he was left completely defeated rather than angry or sullen. The truth was that Britt had been right. He hadnt taken time to think that Britt hadnt returned his feeling. He was so caught up in the love he felt....He got carried away. He said the L word.
He ruined everything.
He always did.
"Im thorry Britt. You're right. I wathn't thinking about how you'd take it. I wath juth...." He had just been thinking about Britt in general, and all the things the boy did to make his life better.
He hadn't realized he was making Britt's life harder.
"Anywayth, im thorry. If you want, we can thill thit here..."

Britt sighed, dragging his fingers through his fiery red hair.
"You were supposed to yell back at me, not apologize." He groaned as he moved to sit back down beside the boy. "Now I have to damn feel bad for yelling." He leaned against the man, chugging the rest of his beer before speaking again. "I told you I wasn't going to be good at this boyfriend shit." He had no clue why Sawyer loved him in the first place.

"That'th the thing though, you don't need to feel bad becauthe you didn't do anything wrong." Sawyer hated to admit when he was wrong, but he was afraid that if he let Britt get away from him now, the boy may never come back. "You were right, you damn told me and I got carried away. Tho can we go back to before thith happened? I wath having a nithe damn night. And we thill have all thith beer..."
He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He didnt want to risk Britt breaking things off with him.

"Course we can." Britt sighed. "I was having a nice night too. You were right though, I don't talk about my family to just anyone. I like you, even though you're a bitch sometimes." He rested his head on the man's shoulder, grabbing himself another beer.

"I know you fucking like me.  If not you wouldn't wind up under me tho much."  Sawyer wrapped Britt back up in his arms, pressing the boy flush against his chest.  He truly had sensed that Britt had feelings for him.  Thats why he'd thought it would be okay to finally say the L word.  He hadn't realized that Britt simply wasnt ready for it yet.
Maybe he never would be.
A boy like Britt was worth waiting for though, at least in Sawyer's eyes.
"But then again, you might juth like me for my dick." He was back to teasing, desperate to fix them.

"It's about time you caught on. Your dick is my favorite part of you." Britt smirked lightly, curling up back into the man's side. "But I guess I do like you for more than that. If not, I wouldn't put up with your damn bullshit."

"What do you like about me?  Tell me why you keep me around.   What maketh me thpecial?"  Sawyer finished off his beer before pressing a lazy kiss to Britt's collar bone.  He wanted Britt to keep talking to him.  He'd hate it if the boy closed himself off.

"Well I've already sounded like a stupid teenage girl tonight so I might as well continue." Britt sighed, glancing up at the man and taking another drink from his beer before speaking. "I like your lisp. I like the stupid way your hair curls at the ends. I like the way you look at me when you think I'm not looking. I like the way you hold me after we're done screwing and the way you have to touch all the marks you made on me. I like the way you sneak in on me when I'm showering sometimes. I like the way you like to cuddle after sex even if it does make you seem like a clingy bitch. I like the way you always fucking hold my hand in public and you smile so damn big when you introduce me as your boyfriend and you just look so fucking proud even though I have no clue why. I like how you call me ginger sometimes and I even kind of like you calling me Brittany even though I told you not to. I like how I can actually be myself around you. I like how you're totally cool with making up after fights just by screwing me senseless, no apologies needed. I like how you don't look at me like I'm some major fuckup like everyone else does..." He trailed off, finishing off his beer before finishing his statement. "And I really fucking like the way you're nice to me even when I'm a bitch and the way you see through all of my insults and bullshit because no one has ever done that before." He averted his gaze as he finished, though he didn't try to pull away from Sawyer's side. He had never felt this vulnerable, never let someone know how he felt about them but for some reason it was so easy with Sawyer.

"Fuck, Britt." Sawyer's heart was swelling in his chest, even feeling as though it were pressing against his lungs, taking his breath away.
But really it was just the rush of Britt's words, how they had completely washed away the hurt he'd been feeling earlier. So maybe the boy wasnt ready to say it, but this was all the proof Sawyer needed. Britt loved him.
Sawyer laid the boy down, covering Britt's body with his own. He captured the boys hands, and held them above his head as he finally dipped down for a kiss. It was passionate and rough with emotion, the young werewolf's fangs gently grazing Britt's lips as he kissed him again and again and again.
He never wanted to stop. He could live his entire life in this moment and die happy with that. This was all he needed in his life to be happy.
Just Britt.
Britt.
And more Britt.

Britt didn't pull away and he didn't try to turn it into sex like he normally would have. He just responded to Sawyer's kisses, pulling the man close to him. He was kind of terrified at the feelings he had for Sawyer, but he was trying not to think about that now. He just wanted Sawyer to kiss him like this for the rest of his damn life.

A few days later and he was still reeling from the realization he'd made that night. He had never felt like this before for anyone. And it scared the shit out of him. It only made matters worse when Sawyer would just show up at his apartment with movies and popcorn like they were some stupid married couple. Part of him wanted out of this but then again, Sawyer was the best thing to ever happen to him. He was trapped, had no clue how to get out of this. And so he found himself telling Sawyer he was going out with Ajax tonight and not to come over. It wasn't a total lie. Ajax did go out with him, though it was only to drop him off at a nearby bar. He had only been planning to get so drunk he couldn't feel anything, but somehow it turned into much more than that.

Rigby had been sitting in a booth to the back of the bar. He hadn't come to have a good time, or see anyone. Instead he were there nursing his broken heart. Bane had gone back to Danny, this time he'd said for good.
And while he'd said that many times before, Rigby felt there was something different about this. Usually Bane would have called or text him by now, anything to talk to him. But so far there was nothing, and Rigby was on his fourth bottle of jack.

Britt had sat himself at the bar for a while, drinking until he felt so sick he might need a break. He stumbled back to his usual booth in the corner, not noticing it was occupied until he had already slumped over in the seat.
"I like to sit here." He informed, slight slur to his words as he looked at the other man. "Hope you weren't saving this seat." He sure as hell was not moving now.